PAUSE -> THINK -> REFLECT -> RESUME

As mentioned in my last post, my idea was to take a pause from writing till I really feel like writing and till I really have something to write. Days passed by, Thoughts did come,  some events did occur which were thought provoking, but the thoughts  never weaved into sentences.  As they say, to be creative, one needs to be in a state of peace. And I was restless overworked and overwhelmed - with household chores to Official  work, with chit chat at home to gossip at office, with running behind my son to running behind my progress at work. Just like I took pause from writing,  I wanted to  take pause from everything, where I could put the rat race on hold.  
But then, it occurred to me that though "Pausing" is a great idea, but until and unless you think and reflect in that pause time, it is of no use.  And elongated pause is equal to dead. 

So, I decided to take pauses just like we take naps, with a resolution to take out time to think and  reflect on the big questions of life and bigger priorities of life.

This pause helps me to take out time to tune in to my inner wise self.
And my inner wise self told me "Stop being busy for a short while and Start being the one who you came to be." 
  
And one of the magical results is this post of mine. I found that extra hour, when I paused and the time slowed down for me to think, reflect and act, so that I resume to my daily chores with greater satisfaction.

"In life, the journey should be as interesting as the destination"
  
Wanna try it for yourself? Start by staring from the window of your cab or from the corridor of your home.. Close your eyes for a minute… and there you go… into the pool of reflections...

Saadda haq, Aithe rakh!!!

This song from Rockstar is one of the rarest songs, which has powerful set of lyrics with a magical musical blend of rebellious tone . Though the lyrics are simple, they are packed with a powerful punch of musical chords that show anger, frustration and hurt. Hats off to ARR's composition, Irshad Kamil's lyrics and Mohit Chauhan's voice.
(Lyrics/Meaning : Courtesy :Lyrics & Translation)

Tum logon ki, iss duniya mein
Har kadam pe, insaan galat
Main sahi samaj ke jo bhi kahoon
Tum kehte ho galat, main galat hoon phir kaun sahi (phir kaun sahi)
Marzi se jeene ki bhi main
Kya tum sabko arzi doon
Matlab ki tum sabka mujhpe
Mujhse bhi zyada haq hai
Saadda haq, aithe rakh

In this world of you people,
at every step, a human is wrong..
whatever I feel is right and say,
you call it wrong, if I'm wrong then who's right?Should I send you a request
for me to live with my own wish?
means you all have a right on me 
more than I do..
(it's) my right, put it here (give it to me)

Hey inn qataaron mein ya udhaaron mein
Tum mere jeenay ki aadat ka kyun gott rahe dum
Besaleeqa main, uss gali ka main
Na jis mein haya, na jis mein sharam
Mann bole ke rasmein jeenay ka harjaana duniya dushman
Sab begaana inhe aag lagaana
Mann bole mann bole, mann se jeena ya marr jaana

hey, in these queues,
or in credits,
why do you choke my habit of living..I am mannerless,I am from that street,
where there is no shame..
Heart says that..customs are compensation (like a fee here) for living,
this world is enemy n all belongs to someone else..
burn them..heart says..
heart says..to live by the heart, or die...

O eco-friendly, nature ke rakshak, main bhi hoon nature
Rivaazon se, samaajhon se kyon
Tu kaate mujhe, kyun baante mujhse iss tarah
Kyun sach ka sabak sikhaaye, jab sach sunn bhi na paaye
Sach koi bole toh tu niyam kanoon bataaye
Tera darr, tera pyaar, teri waah, tu hi rakh

O Eco Friendly,O saver of nature,I am nature too..
From customs,from societies,
why do you cut me off..
why do you divide me like that?
Why do you teach the lesson of truth
when you cannot even listen to the truth,
when someone speaks the truth
you start telling (giving) rules and regulations..
your fear, your love,
your praise..
you only keep..
keep them, damn it!

The lyrics say it all... The beauty of this song is that one can relate to it. We all have at some point in our lives felt that humiliation Somewhere, sometime, we all must have and continue to carry that helplessness feeling. That feeling could be due to the norms in the society, the legal proceedings, the politicians or the corruption or a dominating boss at work or even due to the misunderstandings among family members or friends. And a day comes when "enough is enough" feeling creeps in. And then revolution begins.

The Anna Revolution, the protests against the unfortunate evil night of December 16, Malala's fight for the right to education, these are just a few examples of the revolutions that took lime light. Every day a millions of revolutions must be taking place under millions of roofs all over the world. The revolutions succeed or not is again a different story... those revolutions provide a positive impact or negative impact on society is yet again a different story...

On the occasion of Independence day, I dedicate this song to all those unfortunate souls who silently weep the oppression and inner violence; who feel trapped and imprisoned, unable to express themselves; above all to women who have faced and continue to face harassment from the society who dictate and abdicate their freedom of choice.
And pray that everyone gets their Freedom; the right to express themselves freely without having the fear of being judged and to live the life with dignity and with peace.

The Mumbles inside me

Its been a long time since I wrote something.. No Diary, no posts, no notes... Nothing!
Today, I'm writing because I just want to continue writing. Feels like I lost the art of writing. Feels like I forgot how to make a diary entry...

There were too many happenings in my life in these 5 months to note down. My coming back to Delhi after 5 years, Marriage, my new family, Trip to Kerala with hubby, New boring workplace.. Some exciting things, some extremely boring things.. Some happy moments and a few brooding moments.. 
But I could not note down any of my thoughts.. because, precisely, I didn't get enough time to write down .. (Ok.. I didn't take out enough time). When you write a blog post, you have a thought that begins the process of writing, and that thought weaves on till it comes to a conclusion...  But when you have too many thoughts... that too very disconnected thoughts, how would you be able to conclude it in one post??? I have been mumbling to myself all these months, many thoughts which were forgotten soon after mumbling.

The most recent mumble today:
"Priorities change with Time" - Experiencing this itself is a kind of revelation...Revelation, that we need to learn to prioritize things and changes without changing the self completely... 
(P.S : U must have noticed in this post that my writing ability has drastically degraded.. :( I will try to keep writing instead of mumbling... )

The Spinning Arrows

"8 more hours".. "6".... "4".... "2"... "Half an hour more"... "Youhuu!!! Shift Hand-off. Week-off". I constantly looked at the spinning arrows in my watch (which seemed to be too slow). Not that I was very tired and not that I worked too hard...not that I have anything special to do this week-end... But I was waiting for a break.... Nine hours at work seemed to be unending...  "Why the time is running too slowly" has been my thought from quite some days, now. 

Contrary to the above thought, sometimes, I feel like time flies by. It seems just a few days back that I graduated from college and came to Hyderabad... and, now... its already been 4 years and 1 month that I'm staying here. 

Days go by and turns as months, months into years and years finally become our whole life.

Time takes its own time. Its never fast and never slow... Time is always on Time... ;)

One of my favourite childhood serial Mahabharat portrays time very well. Time says:

"Main Samay hoon. Mahabharat ke patra ye nahi jaante ki jo ho raha hai, wo kyun ho raha hai. Main Jaantha hun, kyunki main samay hun. main sab dekh raha tha, sab dekh raha hun aur sab kuch dekhta rahunga. Chup Chaap... Kyunki main Hastakshep nahi kar sakta, na hi aashirwaad de sakta hu... aur na hi shraap de sakta hu" ( I am Time. The characters of the epic, don't know, that why it is happening. I know. Because, I am Time. I have been and will be a silent spectator, because I cannot judge, I cannot bless and I cannot punish)

It is amazing to note that the reflections of these spinning arrows could turn into  musings on life. :)

The Spider's Web

"Welcome to XYZ Broadband services" (someone told me that we should not use brand names in public.. SIGH!.... )

"Please press Star to continue" 

* Pressed

"Dear Customer, Your Account No is four nine two .... To confirm, please press 1"

1 Pressed

"For technical assistance, please press 1"

1 pressed

"Kindly be online, while we transfer you to the next available executive. Your call may be recorded for internal training and assessment purpose"

Irritating music starts...  After some time...

"All our executives are busy. Kindly be online. Your estimate hold time is ONE minute"

Irritating music starts again.. After sometime..

"All our executives are still busy. Kindly be online. Your estimate hold time is ONE minute"

==============================================================

Just imagine, how must I be feeling to hear this again and again..

I was drifiting along, like a log of wood in water, for quite some time now. Life had ceased to be eventful. Neither was I progressing in any sphere of my life, nor was there a regression. It was the same monotonicity, day in and day out.  Plus NO NET CONNECTION makes me feel disconnected... Plus 6 day working... plus as mentioned above "All our executives are busy - from Internet provider". 

"WORLD WIDE WEB" has become the need of the day. And it has become one of the strands in our web of lives... In these thoughts, the philosophical ME comes out. From world wide web, my thoughts weave to the web of life.

How interconnected things are in life... Everything is connected to everything else in an infinite Web of relationships. There are these infinite connections, like the one between me and the farmer who grew the rice I eat.

So, when we want to walk in our path through life with the intent of growing our spirit, we must do so with the understanding that we cannot do so in isolation. Only by working simultaneously to balance and develop all of our aspects and working to promote the growth and development of the energy that surrounds us, can we hope to achieve our maximum potential in this lifetime. And to attain this potential, we should be aware that it often requires a series of zigzag stages, each unfolding into the next. We never know where those first uncertain, even shaky, steps will lead us, but we don’t really need to know that when we start out. We just need to accept that there will be some point in the future when we will look back and see that we have new capacities, new boundaries, new courage, and a whole new worldview.

"Although it is made of thin, delicate strands, the web is not easily broken. However a web gets torn everyday by the insects that kick around in it, the spider must build it when it gets full of holes. " - E.B.White

THORN BUSH has ROSES.. :)

Coming back from office on a rainy day, I was waiting for auto. "Auto... Auto... JNTU" I screamed. "NO", he said arrogantly. Few more autos went by without even replying. Another Auto came "JNTU...".  He was kind enough to reply, "Madam, no one will go to JNTU today. Rain water has blocked that route. You have to take another route". I was already wet with the merciless rain. "Why didn't I take umbrella", I cursed myself and was looking for any kind lady who would offer to share her umbrella with me. Alas! there was none .... I was worried about my mobile being wet...  I ran towards the other corner of the road to check for other route. "Auto... Miyap..", Before I could say miyapur, seven people grabbed it and this auto ran away with flooded candidates on it. Few more autos went away that way. After half an hour or so, a bus came "MIYAPUR" on its board; overflowing with CROWD. I somehow managed to enter it. I cursed everything on the planet, starting from rain to roads to auto drivers to car owners to the crowded bus and to my company which has not provided transport facility. Reached my room after 2 and a half hrs of journey. 

I was tired and was still cursing... 

Bed time, before I sleep, is the time when I tend to flashback the day for once. Flashback told me:

 "You reached office at 11.30 am, 2 hours late; no one complained; very few people have the luxury to reach office that late; just after 2 hrs session, you went for lunch- You had a tasty Biryani with Gulaab Jamun; many people cannot afford these meals. You enjoyed half an hour near the lake in your company premises. It was all so beautiful and pleasant; Very few companies in India are such well built. You went back to work and enjoyed the training period and had fun with your colleagues. Coming back from office the hunt for auto started..... You cursed everything that was going wrong, but never blessed anything that was going right."

I reminded myself that I should thank God for what has been given to me. I questioned myself for not being able to see the positivity in things.. Why?? Why am I becoming so complaining day by day??? This is not the usual me... If I cant do anything, I should not complain and If I complain, I should have something to do for it. 

This life is full of so many things and yet so devoid of many others. The more we get, the more we want. There is this endless chain of wants... "I want good friends, good work, good workplace, good amount of money, nice food, nice place to live in, nice transport, etc, etc. "  We keep on complaining for what we have or for what we don't have. There is no period, no full stop!!

Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.

I am in my trials to come out of this complaining attitude and to get into the mood called POSITIVITY! Are you??

P.S : I initially titled it as "A figment from the lake of thoughts", but later changed it to "Thorn Bush has ROSES" upon suggestion from one of my friends. Because, this title gives the gist of my post. Received this title with thanks... :)

Open Communication Vs Keeping Secrets

Why do we keep secrets?  I'm not talking about the Government Secrets, corporate secrets or technology secrets. I am talking of those which we keep as individual people. Do we keep them to protect ourselves? Or others we love? Are we afraid of being judged? Do we keep secrets out of fear? Are we afraid that by revealing our secrets that we will be rejected? Or is it just for prestige? Or do we fear that the other person will benefit more out of our hidden task...? or do we fear that people will be jealous of us??
I remember how as school kids, some of my friends used to hide things... important questions for exams, how much portion one has completed, etc.., etc..... I was never able to hide such things. I confess that I too tried to hide just because others are hiding, but, part of me, likes boasting about myself and hence always failed in hiding things :). I loved to tell how much I have read and told my friends how much ever I knew, whatever my wisdom said about important questions.. At the end of the examinations, I would come to know that what I knew was the least.... and, all others who were showing off that they know nothing are getting better marks and know more than what I do. 

Coming back to secrets, as in personal ones... We all have secrets. We all keep them for different reasons. But, the motive behind secrecy should be strong. You shall not tell all the personal things to every one, and, If you tell someone, you should not expect the secret to be kept. And, most importantly, when you tell a secret to someone saying that "It's Only You whom I told" - that should be a truth. I have personally faced it many times. I try to hide a secret which is told to me and I come to know that Its not just me who knows this 'so called' secret.
If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Kahlil Gibran
To keep up a secret, you may have two options to here: 1) Use of a Lie , or 2)Declining to answer when asked something related.
There are instances when I too have lied to keep up a secret.... and then felt guilt for the same, when at the end I understood that it was of no use. And, that guilt is never a pleasant experience, and I kept wondering "Why I lied???" 
Though, the second option is much better, but somewhere the internal peace seems to be lost.
I understood that you are a free bird when you are transparent and have open communication.. because you are not afraid of what anyone might think, because now it was all out there. “Let them judge me as they will”.


“Do nothing secretly; for time sees and hears all things, and discloses all.”

From Letters to Scraps

When is the last time you saw post man coming in a bicycle with a bag of letters??? For me, it is perhaps when I was in 9th standard or so.... 
To open the envelope from family members or friends, replying, and knowing that they will take time to write back to you was a great feeling. I remember how we used to make  greeting cards on special occasions for friends and spent hours in making them look the best. There is something special in the golden ribbon boundary of the cards, the smell of Fevicol, Blue ink and hand writing in personal letters and cards. I have saved a treasure of such Hand written letters and Hand-made cards and I love to see them, adore them even today.
Now-a-days, people don't much prefer to write. Whether personal or business related, people pick up a phone before they pick up a pen . Then again, I cant blame anyone, for I haven't written anything with a pen, for some months, except just the odd signature here or there. I get e-mails now, infact, I am getting more than my share of emails, and reading them, though gives me a lot of happiness , but still is no match to the hand written stuff. No one no more addresses anyone with "Dear ....", "Dearest and Nearest", "Respected", etc.. Emails begin with "Hi" and end with "Cheers"! Thanks to social sites like orkut and facebook, we have stopped the minimum formalities. We directly say "Wassup??" :)

The intimacy and the feelings with which people used to write letters seems to be lost. I wonder when I think about the past, when there was no mode of communication through technology, not even postal service. People had to wait for a pigeon to send  and receive letters. Remember "Kabutar ja ja" of "Maine pyar kiya". When you see it now,  it looks quite humorous... isn't it? But I salute to the patience that our earlier generations had.

No one in our generation wants to wait. We need everything instant: instant coffee, instant recipes, instant messaging and 2 minutes Maggi Noodles. :)

Give a break to the instant things, once in a while... Take time to write to your loved ones. Let your pen touch the crisp white paper and write your feelings out. It will be a nice experience...

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. 

— Ferris Bueller

Routine - sounds boring???

"Such a boring life!!!",I thought as I monitored the OS alerts at work. Same work, same cabin, same system, same cab, same room, same food every day... I'm bored of this routine and the repeated tasks.... I looked up and saw the roof of my office... "Eh! Fan is also not there", I thought.. I have this peculiar habit of looking at the rotating fan, whenever I feel bored. I closed my eyes, still head upwards, and my back rested on the chair. 
A question popped up from somewhere... "Is repetition and routine the key to life's boredom or is it the life's meaning?"  The question gave me a mild jerk and I sat straight. I was fully awake now.. I heard my heartbeats. It's repetition of the same beats throughout our existence. Our heartbeats, Our breathing, revolution of the Earth, the diurnal circles of the sun, everything needs repetition... My rotating fan too repeatedly rotates to make me feel the air... We need to sleep every day; we need to eat every day, etc, etc, etc.. ; and without undergoing all that repetition and routine -- we'll probably be dead.

My respect for the power of routine has increased dramatically after this episode.  I understood that most of the life is routine - sometimes it may be dull; but it is the momentum which keeps us going.

Beliefs and Values

Getting to know different people and their very different perspective on life is a great experience in itself. We get amazed when sometimes people don't behave in the way we expect them to. Some of the things or say basic ethics which we feel are very natural to any human may seem to be "Rocket science" for others. I have experienced this recently and was wondering and pondering over these thoughts.

I believe that the basic difference among the people comes from beliefs and values one has. There are many influences in society that could affect our beliefs and values. It probably starts from the influence of our cultural backgrounds, our parents, our communities, our schools and teachers, our books. And, we also form our own beliefs from individual life experiences and observations.

Eventually, we figure out an optimal path guided by our values -- matched to our personality, environment, responsibilities, health, etc. But our beliefs and values can change with time. Changing beliefs and values will shift one's fundamental goals, motivations, attitudes, behavior -- our direction in life.

"Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is."

--Bhagavad Gita

Colors of Life

Holi went by yesterday. Some of the girls were playing with colors. I was not much interested. I remembered the good old days of my childhood, when Holi was the time to play, play and play...It usually occurred during the Final exams in the academic year and that was really sad. I remember how we used the water from the tanks upstairs and poured water on every person passing by. 
Holi is a time to reach out with the colors of joy. It is the time to love and forgive. It is the time when one can express the happiness of being loved and to be loved through colors. Holi is a special time of year to remember those who are close to our hearts with splashing colors! I see Holi, not as a religious festival, but as a social festival in which all the colors of castes, creeds, regions and religions shall be mixed up.
So, coming back to reaching the colors of joy, I spent the day by watching the colors of nature. Isn't color an integral part of our life? We know the colors of the rainbow as a natural progression; we know how (white) light breaks into the same rainbow colors through a crystal prism or through water. When the sun sets we go through the same array of colors again, though amber and deep blue are the dominant colors. At mid-day we have this crisp cool white light. A glance at any natural scene provides many examples of the mysteries of colors. There are so many different colors of life, of feelings and of expressions. I wonder at God's creation!

A Random thought!

We all have thoughts frequently popping-up in our minds. How much ever hard you try, sometimes they just don’t leave us.   You're doing something; but the mind works on its own thoughts many a times. Ever experienced the feeling of "I WANT TO SLEEP NOW! Hey, THOUGHTS! Please don't disturb me!"? 

Sometimes I do imagine myself opening the Task Manager of my mind and killing the process "Thought.exe", when I am actually fed up... And, if I'm feeling extremely bad for some reason, I imagine myself doing "Shift+delete" to permanently delete the sadness or bad thoughts associated with it. Or, if I am angry, just delete the anger to recycle-bin.  Sometimes, these funny things work and sometimes they don’t. It depends upon the WILL with which the suggestion is given to your mind. 

It may sound quite absurd for some, but being a windows system admin, I sometimes tend to implement a few things on my own system :)

I feel that when a man-made machine, computer has this option, how can the God's greatest creation - Man, does not have this option? We delete the unwanted files timely to keep our system clean. Why can't we do the same thing with our own human system - The heart and the mind? 

The thoughts come and go. If we thoroughly understand, a thoughtless state exists, but we are too much connected with thoughts, we either take too much interest in them or we hate them, and both are not too good for us. We should do a timely cleaning depending upon the threshold of the mind and the heart to take it up. In my opinion, this will result in a peaceful life... 

Any thoughts popping up after reading this??

Dreams Unlimited!!!

I was drowning. A storm of water was coming from all the sides. I did not know swimming. Where did so much water come from? Was it real? I tried flapping my legs and hands up and down.  My athletic efforts were temporarily rewarded. I came up to catch a whiff of fresh air. But that was all I could get. I was going down and I could not come up. I was not aware of anything else except the water.

Suddenly, the water disappeared, leaving me dry... I was soon dispersed into various small particles. And I swirled in the wind like a tornado. At one place above some mountains, the swirling particles paused and concentrated back to my physical form. Imagine the view of superman or Shaktimaan here (You may view SuperLady or Lady Shaktimaan, considering that I am a female... :) ).  I viewed greenery; felt as if I am on a cloud and soft breezes touched my face. 

I laughed and said "WoW!". " Is this the so called 'swarga'?, Am I dead??? ", I thought. I heard someone saying "What, what are you murmuring?". Opened my eyes and found my roomie beside shaking me... "Uh! was that a dream?? I want to continue it..", I said and wrapped myself in the blanket again...Obviously, it never continued.. I wished that dreams were like movies in a DVD player, where one can pause it and watch it whenever one feels like.

"Dream is not what you see in sleep, dream is the thing which does not let you sleep." - A.P.J. Abdul Kalam. 

The quote no doubt, sounds very nice and wise, but frankly, I have never been able to accept it completely. I would call the 'dream' in the above quote as "aspiration" or "ambition" or simply say "a goal", for I see dreams in deep sleep; you don't know what unexpected thing you may face the next moment... A scary dream may turn into a pleasant one at any time and vice-versa; a meaningless dream to a meaningful one..... The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.

Be Positive!

My Colleague and Friend - Sadiq said "Please don't write blogs any more" in a witty manner, as I was leaving office; and here I am! writing another blog.  From the time he said "Don't WRITE", my mind actually started framing what to write next.

It reminds me of a speech by the Great Dr. Abdul Kalam where he explains that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. He says that you cant visualise "not doing" something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualise that.

I have experienced that this is very true. I used to take tuitions for students of 6th to 9th standard. When I used to instruct my students "DONT MAKE NOISE", they made so much irresistable noise. Then, I decided to instruct "Keep quite", and it actually worked well. The same thing happenned when I used to play Volley ball in school days; The more my friends shouted "Don't drop the ball", the more likely, I used to drop the ball.. This happens because the brain first imagines "Dropping" and then tries to tell it not to do what it just imagined. Had they said, "Hit the ball hard" the result might have been quite different...

Be Postive, talk positive and positive things will come to you.. What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.

Politics -- Its all about Money!!!

With more than 700 million voters, India is the world’s largest democracy. However, it is far from being an ideal democracy.

Today, GHMC Elections were held (Greater Hyderabad Municipal Corporation); a holiday for many. I was having my weekly off. 
One of the political leader (contestant in GHMC) is near to my place and hence, there was much "Khalbali" around. From the past one week or more, there was this great fuss of campaigning. Increasingly, campaigns are becoming more like full-fledged entertainment events. Folk dances, songs and folk rhythms are drawing huge numbers to the campaigns. But, we have suffered through a lot of irritating noise pollution from the double storied digital sound systems the whole week. I have personally never been much interested in politics and I wonder, how does this campaigning add value to people at large? But, its making huge impact on the crowds who never ever think about the proportion of money poured in to organise these campaigns. I'm sure the money spent on such things can make a village become self- sufficient in its water and food needs at least.

Coming back to the E-Day, the street was comparatively quite silent. The past few days, the Telangana songs of begging for vote were intolerable. I was busy in having my breakfast @ 11. am. Someone knocked the door... "Sowjanya, Aunty here", a voice came from outside. "Oh, Namaste Aunty", I welcomed. "So, are you going to vote today?", She inquired with a beautiful smile. Hesitatingly and a bit with shame, I said "No, I don't have voter ID for Hyderabad. I have it for Delhi....". "Actually i didnt get much time to register for that", I started explaining; trying to show that I am a good citizen and I know my duties, but I'm too busy for these duties. She said "No Problem, I came for that only. You can vote without a voter ID. Do vote for Mr.X of our colony. Everything will be taken care". I was shocked and exclaimed "You mean a False vote????". She said, "Yes, dear! and that won't be a problem, Many are doing that and I will accompany you. Many others who are not having voter's ID will go". I said "No, I'm not interested in doing so", with a firm voice this time. She went off with an angry face saying " It's not a compulsion, Your wish! I just thought you'll be happy to vote. Many girls and boys of your age are voting". She didn't say that some of them are being paid to vote, which I sensed.

I just wonder how many such false bogus votes have reached the ballot box! Today's politics is all about division on the basis of caste, religion and most importantly Money & advertising their brand, the symbol of their party! To achieve this new definition of politics, political parties have started appointing advertising companies to do their brand-building exercise. It is the job of advertising agencies to 'brand' parties and make pitches for them which are worth crores of rupees. Thousands of SMSes are being circulated, asking individual voters to register. The money velocity is so high that it is impossible for an ordinary citizen to even try and understand it. Where is the transparency and accountability of the Indian political system, starting from the grass root level to local level going up to state and national level???


The thoughts kind of disappointed me and it happens every time we see crime, corruption and any such negative thing. What the common people merely could do is "Stay away from it and Play safe". And, as they say "It's easier to wear a slipper than to carpet the whole earth"

Main aur meri Tanhayi

Mind was too distracted and restless; I was unable to concentrate on anything. Wasn't able to read or write or even to think something. Wanted to talk to someone. So many friends in chat list but was not interested to talk also... Ever experienced this - the book is open, you are reading something and so many thoughts are popping up that you are unable to understand the simplest of sentences. And, if you think, what thoughts are coming, you have no answer. Meditation helped in this situation. And, it helps you to analyse things better, in a calm way. After that by reading my spiritual Master's book, felt even more better...

When you fight with your best friend, for no big reason, your mood becomes upset. The blame game starts. “You started it first”, “NO, it’s YOU”. And when finally in the process of accusations, you come to know that unknowingly you have hurt your friend, that your friend’s happiness becomes sadness because of you, it becomes very painful for the heart. You have nothing to say but “sorry”. But, again “Why should I say sorry?” says ego.

The question is why do we fight in relationships? Why sometimes arguments seem to have no better end than silence...

Hyderabad - New begginings

To post my first blog over here, I had to give much thought. After so much of thinking, I thought; why not begin with the first diary I wrote, after I came to Hyderabad, that is some three years back. It was indeed a new chapter of my life - an independent life with full support of family and friends... sounds quite contrary??? Yes, An independent life with full support of family and friends!!

Here's how the chapter started.

7th oct 2006: I was about to leave home, Mom, Siri, Friends and Delhi.. My heart was heavy. But no single drop of tear in my eyes. Everyone’s eyes were moist as they saw me leaving Delhi. We booked a taxi and went to airport.. On the way, no one spoke a word... Everyone was silent... Everyone smiling now and then.. Nothing else.. When we were about to enter the airport, everyone cried, except me... I thought what a heartless person am I... I was feeling sad.. but I was not crying.. May be I was more excited to travel by air than having the feeling that I'm leaving my home My First Flight As I entered the flight a very smart looking airhostess greeted us with a beautiful smile.. I didn’t get the window seat in my first travel by flight :( But outside scene was visible. As the plane was about to start, the airhostess showed some tips that we shd follow during the flight. The flight started and it was like as if i sat in a giant wheel... “that gurgling in the stomach"...slowly it went up and i could see the whole of Delhi.. Yamuna river looking like a non-linear thin line (as its shown in the physical map of India..).. We went up and up.. Out of the low pressure UP, I felt as if my ears are closed.. Then came the Himalayan mountains...Made of clouds(hehe).. I was on cloud nine (Satve aasmaan me rehna shayad ise hi kehte hain).. Within Just two hrs we had reached Hyderabad- The Hi-tech city as they say...Dad's office person came to receive us and help us go to Satyam Technology Centre... While moving along the roads of Hyd I actually felt no much difference in Delhi and Hyd as regards traffic and climate.. The only visible difference was that there were big Telugu movie postures... Anyhow we went to STC and found that there is no accommodation... We went to my uncle's House and from there we went to almost every relative’s house...

9th oct: This is one of the remarkable days of my life... I went to STC by a Satyam bus. Dad was not allowed to enter the office campus... Such a big office... Not even in my dreams I thought that it would be such big.. There were so many buildings, so many blocks... A long walk inside the campus... I was not getting anything... Where to go? Where’s my block?? Where’s my manager? I called my manager. He said “I'll be coming after 1.30p.m. Wait till then in ----- block"... beeep.. beeep ( He disconnected the call). “Which Block???”, I could not even ask this question.. There were so many blocks... As I stood alone there with fear, Siri's message peeped in my cell phone "Start ur day with new zeal, new hope, no tears, no fears.. Best of luck"... Tears rolled down my face and my new suits duppatta was almost wet- due to tears and some of which was also due to sweat... I didn’t know what to do... Dad called me up from the reception... He wanted to go back... I asked him to wait; I wanted to go with him... A long walk to reception... I did not know the path back to reception. With tears in my eyes, I asked some associates about the path to reception. They looked at me like an alien... Memories rushed like anything and I was feeling very alone.... Dad said that till 1.30 we shall take up a hostel... We went to "Navayuga Ladies hostel" .. its near market place.. Luks much like my own Dilshad Colony in Delhi... with so many shops in a row... (only difference as I said before was Telugu postures, and it was not a problem, as i know how to read and write Telugu).. After registering me in this hostel, we went back to STC. It’s too far.. One cant travel by corporation Bus... We booked an auto. I met my manager, finally... He looked full of attitude (Not his fault... the kind of work they do, I guess...) He didn’t let me speak... “Yes Sowjanya... So u are now in Hyd" He gave some forms to fill up... and asked me to leave his cabin... I didn’t spoke a single word except " Good afternoon sir".. But some other guys out there were kind enough and helped me in filling the forms... My hands print was taken (it was a formality)... I felt as if I’m a criminal and my finger prints along with hand prints are being taken.. I came back home (uncle's home)... It was the time I should leave for the hostel... The thought itself was bringing tears in my eyes. We went there... I arranged my luggage... There were some other Satyam trainees over there.. They were friendly... But as Dad was leaving the hostel... I can’t express what I was feeling!!!!!

My Father's elder brother - my "Peddanana garu" called me and said “Don’t cry. It’s a new journey. There is a lot of exposure to develop your personality and your SELF. God has given you a beautiful opportunity to expand yourself to the highest limit possible. And Family is always there for you. Science has made it so easy. A small device, can make you closer to your family... You are independent and you have full support."