A Lesson learned at 30K feet - Breathe, Reflect, Repeat

I grasped for breath as I reached airport and rushed towards the counter for check-in counter. "How could I be so careless?!", I cursed myself. It was quite a run, when I realised that the flight is at 5:40 pm and not 6:40 pm. I ran towards the flight as the last call for passengers was being announced. I just didnt care that people were giving me weird looks when I was running fanatically while grasping for breath. I breathed a sigh of relief when I entered the flight. Took my seat, wiped the sweat on my face, took a few long breaths. I checked my mobile phone which was about to die with 10% battery. "10% -S××××!!!", I cursed myself again!  I messaged the important people that I have safely boarded by flight and switched it off, as i would need the remaining % battery when I reach the destination.

Switiching off mobile sometimes is a liberation. Feeling disconnected with the OCD of looking at mobile is a blessing... in disguise... Opened my diary and wrote 2 times - How could I be so careless!!! ,and ruminated over this for the rest of the duration of the flight.

We do this all the time! Dont we? Having worked in IT operations for years now, I know the costs of being careless. One wrong click on a production environment can have an inexplicable huge impact.   And yet it happens sometimes. 

We need to develop that awareness and attention. You dont become mindful overnight and it doesnt come easily. Like all skills, being mindful requires practice.

Some of the ways to develop this consciousness are below:

1. One thing at a time - We constantly juggle with mutiple things at a time. We boast of being multi-taskers. But the fact is that you cannot be conscious of multiple things at once. In this episode here, I was multi talsking and I didnt prioritize checking the flight details till the last moment. You need  to pay deliberate attention to each thought and feeling that arises in your experience. Practice developing awareness of just one thing at any given moment.

2. Acceptance -  Observe the moment with acceptance and love without being judgemental. Temporarily, let go of the need to change, fight, or deny any aspects of your experience. Let it be. Observe and accept.

3. Focus on Now - There is nothing you can do to magically alter the past. Let go of past and future… they are illusions.  Focus on Present to change the future by choosing right things now.

4. Journal your experience - Once you begin to realistically notice, describe, and accept your present-moment experience just the way that it is, you will have the power to make new choices and develop new behavioral patterns.. which is what I am doing now by writing this post. :)

5. Meditate - try to disconnect with thoughts everyday for a few minutes. This gives more clarity every day.

Lets try to consciously attempt to improve the awareness, attentiveness and carefulness.

Until next time...

Persistence and Flexibility

Last week marked my 18th year in this incredible IT industry.  Reflecting on the years that have passed, I realise how every moment has been an amazing learning opportunity. Here are my musings on these learnings beyond the technical aspects:

Has it always been fulfilling ? Perhaps, Not.

There are some days when I might have cribbed about the job, about the coworkers, about increment, etc.  But in my view, the key is Persistence and Self awareness. 

Persistence is self-discipline in action. The belief that the events that take place through out one's life are conducive to ones elevation and that there is no good or bad event, helps us find opportunity in all circumstances, for us to be assertive.

Self Awareness is knowing that we become unstoppable when we work on things that cannot be taken away - our mindset, our character, personality, authenticity, integrity and our entire being. 

We must keep assessing inner wisdom and let it guide us towards growth.

The other aspect is flexibility. Flexibility is often seen as a weakness. However, in my view it is not only a tool for survival but also allows you to achieve goals in the constantly changing world.

At first glance, you may feel that persistence and flexibility are paradoxical. Because, while persistence implies to sticking to a plan, being rigid, and maintaining a consistent approach, flexibility implies adaptability, being open to change and adjusting the plans as needed.  But when you think about it at a deeper level, you will wonder how interconnected these two qualities are and how they complement each other when balanced correctly. 

This reminds me of the classic fable  about the big tree and a plant. The story goes like this:

A big, strong tree stood tall and proud, often looking down on the smaller, seemingly weaker plants around it. Among these was a small plant that the tree considered insignificant. The tree boasted about its strength and ability to withstand any force of nature.

One day, a fierce storm hit. The strong winds blew relentlessly, and the big tree, despite its strength, struggled to stay upright. Eventually, the tree was uprooted and fell. However, the small plant, which could bend and sway with the wind, yet firm on the roots survived the storm unscathed.

The moral of the story is that flexibility and humility can sometimes be more advantageous than sheer strength and pride. Those who can adapt to changing circumstances often survive and thrive, even when faced with great challenges. The persistence of the plant to remain fixed on the roots and the flexibility of the branches to bend and adapt to the winds helped the plant to navigate the obstacles and be successful.

Survival of the fittest

I was surfing on youtube when I came across a video where birds were plucking the hair of the deer. 

It was a cute video showing the deer enjoying a free hair cut while the birds collected raw material to build their nests. This got me thinking. 

Over the years we have had a narrow belief that the survival of the fittest means that the strongest always wins. "Fittest" meant having the competitive advantage over others, winning over others. But in essence, Nature teaches us that  "Fittest" are often those who can coexist and support the health of their community.

"Fittest" can mean the most effective collaborators, those who create independent web of ecosystem. 

There are many such examples in nature of such symbiotic relationships. Food for thought - Are we intune with nature in this aspect? What can we do differently to cooperate and evolve within our ecosystems and with our fellow beings?

Signing off with this thought.

Love & Peace.

Navigating Disappointments with Grace and Gratitude

As appraisal cycle results approach, it's natural for some individuals to feel a sense of unfairness or disappointment, especially if they perceive their efforts haven't been adequately recognized or rewarded.It is easy to slip into bitterness. But thats a trap!! Avoid this trap if you are smart but disillusioned. Succumbing to bitterness only perpetuates a cycle of negativity that ultimately hinders personal growth and fulfillment.

The most bitter people are the smart people who are not as successful as they thought they should be, because they feel that they are shining and the world should fall at their feet, but it doesnt workout that way. 

I dont say that you should not disagree with the outcome. It's important to acknowledge and validate those feelings of disagreement or frustration. However, how we choose to respond to those feelings is what ultimately shapes our experience and future outcomes. While it's understandable to feel disappointed or even upset, allowing those emotions to fester into bitterness can be detrimental both personally and professionally.

The key lies in recognizing that success is often subjective and multifaceted. While one may excel in certain areas, they may face challenges or setbacks in others. Moreover, success is rarely instantaneous and often requires perseverance, resilience, and a willingness to adapt to changing circumstances.

By cultivating an attitude of gratitude, individuals can shift their focus from what they lack to what they have accomplished and experienced. This mindset not only fosters a greater sense of fulfillment and contentment but also opens doors to new opportunities and perspectives.

Embracing humility and acknowledging the contributions of others can foster stronger relationships and collaboration, ultimately leading to greater success and satisfaction in the long run. The picture above summarizes how gratitude can be practiced and its benefits.

A drop a day - practice gratitude every single day. Attittude of gratitude takes us long way.

Love & Peace!

From Flaws to Freedom

I ordered this book last year. And have finally finished reading it. I must confess that it felt like an eternity to finish the book. There were moments where I did feel a little bored. But I managed to continue and it's overall thought provoking and impactful. The time invested in understanding his journey and philosophy feels incredibly rewarding. 

In an era dominated by misinformation and propaganda, Gandhi's autobiography, "The Story of My Experiments with Truth," stands as a beacon of authenticity and integrity. In a world where narratives are often manipulated to serve particular agendas, to diminish Gandhi's legacy and distorting his contributions, his firsthand account offers a genuine and unfiltered perspective on his life, principles, and struggles.

I am particularly amazed at the willingness to openly acknowledge his own flaws and imperfections. This enhances the credibility of  the narrative. In an age where public figures are often portrayed as flawless or infallible, Gandhi's humility and honesty serve as a refreshing reminder of the importance of sincerity in leadership. Gandhi openly discusses various mistakes and moral lapses he experienced in his life. He acknowledges the past errors like telling lies, experimenting the consumption meat and alcohol, etc. Few other flaws that he admitted :

Fear of Public Speaking: Gandhi candidly discusses his fear and hesitation when it comes to public speaking. He admits feeling nervous and inadequate as an orator, especially in the early stages of his activism. This vulnerability humanizes Gandhi and makes his eventual growth as a communicator all the more remarkable.

Struggles with Anger: Throughout the autobiography, Gandhi reflects on his struggles with anger and impatience. He acknowledges instances where he acted impulsively or harshly, often regretting his behavior afterward. Gandhi's honesty about his temper underscores his commitment to self-improvement and nonviolence.

Shortcomings in Parenting: Gandhi reflects on his shortcomings as a parent, admitting that he fell short of his ideals at times. He acknowledges moments of impatience and inconsistency in his interactions with his children, highlighting the challenges of balancing personal commitments with public responsibilities.

Doubts and Uncertainties: Gandhi doesn't shy away from expressing his doubts and uncertainties throughout his journey. He openly discusses moments of spiritual and moral confusion, and his own role in the struggle for independence.

Gandhi's journey from a hesitant advocate to a global leader demonstrates that true leadership is not about being flawless or fearless, but about embracing vulnerability, learning from failures, and striving for personal growth and authenticity. 

I highly recommend this book to everyone and hope that readers learn to confront their own shortcomings and strive for greater self awareness and moral integrity. 

Embracing Patience

As a child, I remember that I was quite impatient. Now, when I look at my son, I wonder that he is pretty much like I was when I was a child. My attention span was low, and I often found it challenging to wait for things. Waiting for my turn, whether in games or daily activities, seemed like an eternity. I wanted instant gratification and had little tolerance for delays. That was probably the reason I wasn't great at creative arts like painting, stitching, knitting, etc. I preferred short stories to read, novels was a big no, because I can't read it in one go. We used to get the monthly subscription based story books. One of the stories in those books would come in series. I always skipped the story that had "to be continued in next edition" written at the end. Because I didn't have the patience to wait for next month. To my frustration, my friends used to discuss about only that one story which I used to skip. 

With passage of time, things seem to have changed automatically. Fast forward to my life as a parent,  parenthood served as a crash course on patience. One of the earliest lessons came during those sleepless nights when my son would cry, and it felt like time stood still. Learning to comfort him without succumbing to frustration became a skill I never knew I needed. As my son transitioned from infancy to toddlerhood and now as a pre-teen, I encounter new challenges that demand a patient approach. His boundless energy and curiosity, often pushes boundaries of my patience levels that I hadn't known before—explaining things repeatedly, redirecting behavior, and allowing him to explore within safe limits.

Reflecting on my own childhood impatience, I now appreciate the seeds of patience that were planted in my early teenage lovingly by my parents in the form of art of meditation, self reflection and self improvement. And now,  as I guide my son through the trials and triumphs of childhood, I am continually reminded that Parenthood, with all its tests and tribulations, serves as a profound teacher, imparting lessons that extend far beyond the realm of parenting.

Musing on the shift from avoiding "to be continued" stories to reading the novels and books and navigating the challenges of life in general with calm and composed approach (while there still is a lot of scope of improvement), I feel grateful to the family influence and parenthood that taught me numerous lessons. 

Painted this today with patience. 😇

Love❤

Networking - Human interactions

One of my co-workers opined that meetings and townhalls are waste of time and how returning to offices is equivalent to loss of productive hours. Bombarded with statuses on how return to office will make life hell from many colleagues, it triggered my need to put across my views. 

I too have enjoyed and discovered the benefits of remote work such as reduced commute times and increased flexibility, but in-person interactions provide much more value in terms of building relationships, fostering creativity, and addressing complex issues collaboratively.

Networking  and human connections are indispensable part of work life. Sadly, covid 19 has had a profound impact on human interactions. Networking is often misunderstood as a race to rack up contacts. It's not that. We should think of networking as a practice to cultivate authentic relationships over time. 

Amid the sounds of click-clack of keyboards and chitchat of friends in the office, we could identify the furrowed brow of our colleagues-  a frustrated fresher, a tempered manager, an exhausted team leader. 

 "Not right time to talk to the manager, he seems not in a good mood right now", a colleague to another who wanted to talk about promotion. 

"You seem a bit stuck there. Need any help?", said a team lead noticing the struggle of the new joiner. 

" Hey, you look tired, let's grab a cup of tea". 

We discover shared interests and passions beyond work, from hiking to a love of classic literature. Conversations flow effortlessly, forging a bond that transcends the office walls. During lunch breaks, colleagues gather in the cafeteria, sharing stories, laughter, and homemade dishes from their diverse backgrounds. This friendship extends to helping each other in times of need, whether it is covering for a colleague during a family emergency or offering a listening ear during personal challenges. 

The office should be a tight-knit community where colleagues genuinely care about each other's well-being and success. 

The pandemic forced us to adopt remote work arrangements. This shift reduced in-person interactions at the office and relied heavily on virtual communication tools, which we use only for "required" interactions. The hesitation to reach out for help has increased multifolds. The isolation brought on by remote work and reduced social interactions has taken a toll on mental health. The amount of time spent at work every day is roughly half a day, so you need to have heartful connections with your colleagues without which you cannot remain productive in the long run. There's no escape from the walls you create with isolation. 

So, while some exceptions will always be there, most of the widespread resistance in returning to offices is just because people don't want to leave the "comfort" that they have discovered during the pandemic. This "comfort" believe me is not beneficial in the long run. 

A Tryst with Nature

After a long time, we planned to go on a proper vacation. In the last few years tours and travels have been on halt for us. May be something to do with subconscious hesitation after covid19. This break was much needed after almost 3 years.. 

Day1 - Our first halt was Nainital. It's called the city of lakes. But we had our stay planned on a hill top away from the hustle bustle of the city life. 

We decided to take rest for the rest of the day after close to 8 hours drive. The area had poor network giving some rest to our smart phones too. My 10 year old son was feeling a little disappointed- no friends here.. But soon came a cute stray pup for his rescue. My son is generally quite timid when it comes to animals, but there was something sweet in this stray dog. We didn't hear it bark during our stay. It was a cool, calm and composed puppy - Shera. Look at the way they are having some silent conversations . 

Sipping the  tea blended with the aroma of mountain air, we spent the evening savouring each moment; the subconscious worries in the mind felt like melting away. Looking at the stray puppy, the German Shepherd that came along with other family, the birds, I wondered how all the species are calm and composed replicating the nature of the majestic mountains. 

Day2 began with visit to Kainchi Dham Temple. Crowdy temples are usually a big NO for me because I feel that the purpose of visiting a temple is defeated when it is crowdy. But here, the crowd was very well managed. People maintained the queue peacefully, some singing hymns of the Lord in low sound. There was a pile of books neatly placed in a basket. Interested visitors were reading them in silence sitting within the premises. After reading, they were placing the books back in that basket. 

We then visited Bhimtal lake followed by Naukuchiya tal. Boat ride in the soothing green lakes surrounded by lush green mountains dotted with houses at frequent intervals was a surreal experience. 

There are some mythological stories attached to all these lakes. With the help of google guru, I got to know about these stories which I told to my son who listened to them with absolute amazement. 

Day3 - It was time for fun and adventure. We went to Eco Cave Garden.  It's a garden park with shade trees and multiple caves. We came  in the scorching heat to this park which felt like a natural AC; exploring caves was something we had to put some effort. Super easy tasks for my boy were equally difficult tasks for us. 

My son also showed his bravery by doing sky cycling. 

We came back after roaming in the mall road for some time. While returning to hotel, our driver told that there is a temple on hill top right next to our hotel and that we can explore it if we want. That was a good idea. My son was already thrilled. He wanted to go right away to the hill top. 

It was shivering cold mid way with cool breeze hitting our bodies. We ran towards the hotel to get some woolen clothes before proceeding. 

It started raining the moment we were on the top. We waited in the temple for over 10-15 minutes before returning. 

It was our last day at Nainital. The majestic mountains.. the green water lakes.. The coexistence of human species with other species.. All problems and worries felt small. There are so many creatures in the universe facing much bigger problems with grit. We just need to recognize the plethora of blessings that have been offered to us. 

Day4 started with visit to zoo. Walking up the slopes is exhausting. For the sake of my son, we walked, walked and walked. Most animals were hidden in their caves except for deers and a Beer.  Look at the beer trying to roll the drum above it to get some peanuts to eat out of it. In the process it was one of few creatures entertaining us. 

Humans are cruel beings. For the sake of our pleasure, we do harm the nature at various levels. 

We reached our hotel at the next stop Jim Corbett sometime in the noon and enjoyed in the premises of the hotel for rest of the day. 

Day5 We were excited about this day from Day 1 for Jungle Safari. We were almost sure that we will not get to see the Royal Bengal Tiger. But the thrill of seeing uncaged wild life is different. 

We started at 5:30 am. The Jeep arrived a little late. And then he had to refill the fuel. I was annoyed. He could have filled it earlier. As we started safari no animal could be seen afar. Just got a glimpse of a few spotted deers. I cursed the driver for delaying. 

But then, some divine forces of nature conspired to make us meet not one, two or three but 4 tigers. A tigress with three of its cubs. 

We also saw a dancing peacock. Can you spot it in the picture below? 

Jungle safari was a super success. We couldn't have asked for more. We returned with a sense of achievement. 

After lunch, we went to a nearby art gallery to see some pictures taken by renowned wild life photographer Deepak Rajwar. We feasted our eyes with some stunning pictures of wild life. Each picture depicting a story. 

And then there was a river nearby our hotel. Walked to it to find that three quarters of the river is dry. "Global warming is so real", I said to my son. 

Rest of the day was spent in some more adventure activities which my brave boy did with a lot of fascination. 

Returning back to the daily humdrum of city life, I wondered how each bit of nature inspires us to live our lives and felt that this trip had breathed new spirit into us before we go for the next tryst with Nature. 

The Banyan Tree

I always wondered why do people pray a tree and specially a banyan tree. The Banyan tree has got some special significance. They offer so much prasad before the tree making it look clumsy. After I got married into a different culture, I followed it anyway. The yearly Vat Savitri Vrata is a ritual I follow along with my in-laws. Nothing wrong in following something you may not completely believe, but if it makes others happy - was my idea. 

Over the years, I got used to this ritual, and in fact, I now look forward to it. It gives us a reason to go to the Banyan tree. In the busy busy life, when was the last time you moved out just to meet an old friend? Beautiful, Huge, and Peaceful. It gives us a reason to Hug one of our least remembered friends - the nature. The Prasad we offer goes to ants, birds and the monkeys eagerly waiting to fill up their tummies.

Dear Banyan tree, 

Thank you for the shade you give in the scorching heat. Thank you for being home to multiple species on the earth. You represent Longevity and eternal life. Your ever expanding branches represents the wisdom you have gained over the ages. And perhaps this is the reason that women pray beneath you for long life of their husbands. No wonder many great saints used to meditate beneath you. Lord Buddha attained Gnana beneath you. You give a breath of fresh air and peace. May your divinity inspire the humans to seek for the divinity within. 💓💓💓

Love and Peace! 

Gaban by Munshi Premchand

Never thought I can read a hindi novel that too almost a century old classic novel. Last I read something must have been champak Or nandan (story books) during my childhood days.  Thanks to #kindleUnlimited. Its been there in my library for a couple of months now. I assumed that it will not engage me... After all it is published in 1931. How would I even relate to pre-independence era story, that too in Hindi!! 

But I was so very wrong! I am pleasantly surprised to note that this century old novel still is very relevant to this era. 

The story is about Ramanath whose life is swayed by people of authority as well as his wrong notions about the people he knew. He didn't have a mind of his own, got easily scared about the consequences of his actions but who didn't have the courage to fight for them when things actually went wrong. Because of his irresponsible actions, he didn't know how he was actually causing harm to his family and got himself caught up in situations none could get him out of. He is a morally weak character.

The story discusses gender equality, abolishment of cruel traditions against women, education, casteism. It portrays beautifully female friendships, the concept of acceptance and universal family, how innocent lives get manipulated by the people in authority.

The female characters in the story come out so beautifully with a lot strength. 

Ramanath's wife Jalpa - whose character starts as a childish girl who is attracted to jewelry and turns out as a strong woman with nothing but a pure soul. 

Ratan - the wife of an old barrister. This parallel story gives room to narrate age gap in marriages, laws which were against women in general, true friendship between Jalpa and Ratan. 

Jogeshwari - The old woman who seems heartless and materialistic in the beginning but as the story unfolds, it shows the unconditional motherly nature beneath the surface. 

Johra - A prostitute by profession and how she gets transformed and accepted by Jalpa and her family. 

I found the ending a little abrupt but overall it was a wonderful read. This is interestingly my first book review.. May be because most of the books I read so far were as I expected them to be. This one was beyond my expectations. 

Some beautiful lines

मानव-जीवन की सबसे महान घटना कितनी शांति के साथ घटित हो जाती है। वह विश्व का एक महान अंग, वह महत्त्वाकांक्षाओं का प्रचंड सागर, वह उद्योग का अनंत भंडार, वह प्रेम और द्वेष, सुख और दुःख का लीला-क्षेत्र, वह बुद्ध और बल की रंगभूमि न जाने कब और कहाँ लीन हो जाती है, किसी को ख़बर नहीं होती। एक हिचकी भी नहीं, एक उच्छवास भी नहीं, एक आह भी नहीं निकलती! सागर की हिलोरों का कहाँ अंत होता है, कौन बता सकता है? ध्वनि कहाँ वायु-मग्न हो जाती है, कौन जानता है? मानवीय जीवन उस हिलोर के सिवा, उस ध्वनि के सिवा और क्या है? उसका अवसान भी उतना ही शांत, उतना ही अदृश्य हो तो क्या आश्चर्य है!

विजय बहिर्मुखी होती है, पराजय अन्तर्मुखी।

रुदन में कितना उल्लास, कितनी शांति, कितना बल है। जो कभी एकांत में बैठकर, किसी की स्मृति में, किसी के वियोग में, सिसक-सिसक और बिलख-बिलख नहीं रोया, वह जीवन के ऐसे सुख से वंचित है, जिस पर सैकड़ों हँसियाँ न्योछावर हैं। उस मीठी वेदना का आनंद उन्हीं से पूछो, जिन्होंने यह सौभाग्य प्राप्त किया है। हँसी के बाद मन खिन्न हो जाता है, आत्मा क्षुब्ध हो जाती है, मानो हम थक गए हों, पराभूत हो गए हों। रुदन के पश्चात एक नवीन स्फूर्ति, एक नवीन जीवन, एक नवीन उत्साह का अनुभव होता है।

Welcome 2023

It's a lazy winter morning and I was feeling super lazy. I wanted to stay in bed tugged in the warmth of the blanket for some more time.. And continue with the movie that was playing on screen in the theatre called dream.. 

But.. This tummy... It is never in the control of your heart... Neither when it is empty nor when it needs to get emptied. Tummy makes sure that it gets the priority... 

By the way, hasn't tummy these days become the focal point of our lives? Whatever be it's size, people have to comment about it😄. 

Anyway, I woke up reluctantly, got fresh up to medidate. First day of the year.. I wanted to be good girl... But these days, I just can't sit for long with no thoughts. Mind is always in multi-tasking mode. Thoughts jumbled up. Unlike Tummy, mind takes its own sweet time to have the thoughts settled. 

Wish there was a pause button which we could press to mute the thoughts for a while.. 

I got distracted and couldn't stop myself from swiping the mobile screen left right and center. I had so many things to do... So many new year messages to forward and reply.. Whether or not you are at work, it becomes obsessive compulsive responsibility to swipe the office emails and chats and respond wherever you can. And these reels in social media--- I don't know why I watch them.. And I don't know why I can't stop after watching one reel.. I sometimes sincerely thank God that social media was not prevalent during my student life. I could have flunked my exams!! 

Coming back to the pause button, I know that it's quite possible and is not as fancy as it sounds. It ONLY takes PRACTICE and WILL to get there, to take a moment to step back and reflect deeply before we spring forward.. Expressing these words of wisdom to yourself helps in soul searching.

May this new year bring a lot of wisdom in our lives to be at our best. Happy New Year. 

Jane De.. Let it go

Listen to this song from the movie - Lal Singh Chaddha. 

Kahani

If you are among those who is boycotting the movie, just read the lyrics below:

Ho Raha Hai Jo Ho Raha Hai Kyon
Tum Na Jaano Na Hum
Pam Para Rara Rum

Kya Pata Hum Mein Hai Kahani
Ya Hai Kahani Mein Hum?
Pam Para Rara Rum

Kabhi Kabhi Jo Yeh Aadhi Lagti Hai
Aadhi Likh De Tu Aadhi Reh Jaane De
Jaane De

Zindagi Hai Jaise Baarishon Ka Pani
Aadhi Bhar Le Tu Aadhi Beh Jaane De
Jaane De

Hum Samundar Ka Ek Katra Hai
Ya Samandar Hai Hum?
Pam Para Rara Rum

Yeh Hatheli Ki Lakeeron Mein
Likhi Saari Hai
Ya Zindagi Humare
Iraadon Ki Maari Hai?

Hai Teri Meri Samajhdari
Samajh Paane Mein
Ya Isko Na Samajhna Hi
Samajhdari Hai?

Baithi Kaliyon Pe Titli Ke Jaisi
Kabhi Rukne De Kabhi Udd Jaane De
Jaane De

This song is beautifully written and composed giving the crux of letting go. Sometimes we hold onto things for too long. We hold the anger, the frustration for too long that it hurts us.  I took this screenshot from a Facebook reel which is very funny.

Like a new born who cries pulling his hair and not knowing how to release the hair, we pull the strings of our hearts, close it tightly, we become stiff, not knowing that it is hurting us and not knowing how to release ourselves. The new born is helped lovingly by his parents. As we grow old we have to learn the art of releasing ourselves. 

May we make ourselves free on this Independence Day and let go of things that are not in our control and that are not required. 

Love and Peace! 

Jai Hind. 

Preserving Relationships

Door bell rang when I was doing some work that afternoon. It was my neighbour who came along with her son, who is Vishnu's classmate. She informed me that Vishnu has hit her son and he is hurt, and that he has been fighting with him from quite sometime. Embarrassment is a small word which I felt at that time. I hugged the boy and apologized on Vishnu's behalf and promised him that Vishnu will apologize. Loads of gyan were given to Vishnu from each of the family member, that no matter what, one should never hurt the other person. He did apologize and did promise that he will not do it again. Week later, these two boys are now best of the friends, playing for hours together now. Now I asked this boy, " Is Vishnu still being mean to you? " He innocently lovingly replied, "aunty wo tho kabhi pareshan nahi karta mujhe... Us dinn tho sirf dhakka diya tha.. Galti se main gir gaya! " (Aunty, he is never mean to me. He pushed a little that day, and I fell off) . I laughed at the innocence and the cuteness with which he said it. Kids forgive and forget so easily. That's the beauty of childhood. 

Reflecting on these things, I realized, that as we grow old, we keep teing the knots in our hearts for things we feel offensive about. Kids have this "forgive" feature naturally, and we adults should consciously try to build that feature.  In this post, I will try to explain how we can consciously try to build it. 

The base of any good relationship is positivity, consistent communication and transparency apart from love which is a key ingredient. If any of these three arms is fractured, it is always possible to heal the relationship. There is always an alternative to breaking the relationship. We all must have gone through these scenarios. We are living in a world where we are not really good collectively at handling disagreements, talking about the hurt. We don't talk about forgiveness and we don't give chance to make mends in relationships. 

How do we make an attempt to save a relationship? 

Firstly, however hard it may sound, try to consciously build a LOT of compassion for that person and say to yourself "I know how it must have felt to them! Sometimes we take things too personally. Whatever they did or said is their narrative and it's their lens through which  they are seeing things. I never intended to hurt them (if they are hurt) or they perhaps never intended to hurt me(if you are hurt) ". So move out of defensiveness and build compassion. 

Secondly, reach out to them. Reaching out to make mends is a sign that you value the relationship. If you are the one who hurt the other person, apologize. You can keep the ego aside, give them the time they need and say that the doors are open from your side, acknowledging and communicating that whatever happened,  I still want to mend , I am still  here and I still believe that it can be repaired if you are willing to make it happen. They might not want to talk to you.  Respect their process and just be around to invite them to engage or participate in other conversations if they don't want to participate in that "big" conversations. Never shut the door. 

Build bridges not walls - Even if it doesn't work out the way you would want -you have built a bridge by saying that "This relationship means a lot to me and that if you are ever willing, I am here to rebuild the trust". In the end, if they have shut the doors from their end , the closure will still feel better in a way that you will feel that dignity, you showed up and you were willing to and are willing to. 

Remind yourself of the emotional investment that you have done before breaking it up. 

Little things in life

My son is now 8 years old. In covid times, kids have adjusted so well with the online home schooling. So has my son. How much I have to scold him daily to keep up the same discipline is a seperate story! 

During one of his online classes his English teacher was teaching him writing a Diary entry.  It reminded me my school days, when I was taught the same. I encouraged him to maintain a diary where he can note all the little things of life. Writing emotions and events is like communicating with yourself. It helps you to read yourself. 

I felt nostalgic about my own diaries. Where have I kept them!!! They are eating dust in a corner cupboard inside a small bag. I took all of them out. There were 5 diaries. I turned the pages one by one, some of which have now turned yellow as if saying that we are aged now.  Last time I wrote an entry was when my son was 5 months old. So.. It's almost been 7 years. Not that I used to write it daily earlier, but it definitely was more frequent. Thanks to my blog, I have atleast been able to write journals through these posts. But, blog still is no match to a diary;  with a diary you don't need to worry about the audience. 

The little things that I wrote decades ago gave a fresh feeling. Why did I stop maintaining it! No time is just an excuse. I thanked God, that during my crucial age ( 18-25), social media wasn't this much active in our lives. I might have spent all the time watching the short videos in Facebook! 

It's a challenge in this generation of online games, zoom/team/webex meetings, social networking to keep ourselves in touch with little things of life - like enjoying book reading, communicating with self, writing your heart out, making a paper boat, playing ludo with kids etc. 

But I am positive. I think that it is possible to stop the cycle, but it will definitely not be easy. Even just setting the devices down for a few hours a day would be a good way to start to reenter the real world and exit the digital world we’ve been immersed in for so long.

Signing off.... Going to read a page from one of my dust-eating books and then write a page ✍️. 

Women Empowerment

She was 19.

She was raped, strangled. 

When she wanted to shout, her tongue was cut,  limbs paralyzed. Her eyes were bulging out. 

Heart pains watching such incidents in news every now and then. 

We failed her as a system including administration, law and order, media and also as people of this country. Enough has been written about the failure of Government, administration and media. I will write about the people of the country. 

Yes, people of this country! Because we discuss about such incidents sitting comfortably in our living rooms on how wrong all this is, when will this end. And how women should be empowered. We take pride in being ultra modern people who give women their rights. The right to let her wear the clothes of her desire, the right to let her work, the right to sometimes order food when she is not in mood to cook. The right to have a house help for household chores. The right to have a smartphone and the right to update the whatsApp status and so many other rights you see, which by the way, are with *conditions applied*. 

Charity begins at home and be the change you want to see in the world - women empowerment is one of the prime examples of this change that is required in the society we live in. 

And to be honest, I don't take this stand and I am not writing this for the women. Because, most women have already accepted it. They find it absolutely ok when her man shouts at her or gets angry on her for not so great food. Or when he gets angry when he finds that his shoes are not polished. Or when he asks "Did I not tell you to clean up my cupboard! Why is it not done?" with a disrespectful raised eyebrow!  Or when he thinks that it's perfectly ok to show someone else's anger on his wife. Or when everyone believes that raising the child is the prime responsibility of the woman and the man of the house can keep browsing smartphone. Or when one fine day the man commands his wife that she cannot go to work. Most women have accepted that this is how it is! And those who don't accept it are labelled as over outspoken, hard to deal with, the typical jhagda karne wali. Some women start accepting these things to avoid the wrong labels and to get the right labels - tolerant, obedient, the typical komal, sheetal expectations. But deep inside all women get hurt. So, I was saying that I don't take this stand and I am not writing this for women who have already heartfully accepted this flaw in the society. I take this stand for the next generation. 

The next generation is watching you. They say that kids do what they see.

Whenever you raise your voice on your wife, and your wife finds it ok, your kid is watching and absorbing it. He/she will soon subconsciously understand and take it for granted that this is how women can and should be treated. They will believe that it is the men who can "grant" rights to women. This is exactly what happened with you. You are doing what you have imbibed from your family and society over the years and kind of normalized it. 

I must make it a point here, that I am not against compromises. But, just that it should be a two-way street and should be done by self and not forced upon. 

So, dear ultra modern people out there, take a stand and be the change you want to see in your society. There is a long long way to go. 

Friends

Recently, my mom watched and recommended this movie Pink2  Please dont get confused with Pink starring Amitabh Bachchan. Pink2 is a Tamil Movie dubbed in Hindi. Now this was the first time ever that my mom recommended some movie. It is generally the duty of me and my sister to tell mom about the new movies and reviews you know. Curious to know what made my mom recommend it, I watched it too.

Synopsis: 

Prabhavathi (Jyothika) is a feisty, independent woman who makes documentaries. She lives with her two friends and later moves in with her future mother-in-law Gomatha Silkurayappan (Urvashi). Prabha learns that Gomatha misses her school friends Subbulakshmi Mangalamoorthy (Saranya), and Rani Amirthakumari Gothandaraman (Bhanupriya), with whom she has lost contact over the years. Prabha becomes determined to reunite Gomatha with her friends.

Keeping some of the flaws in the movie aside, it is a movie worth watching. A heartwarming movie about three women in their mid-fifties, who lost contact with each other due to circumstances. But when they reunite, they have a great grand time.

My mom shared with us on how she feels nostalgic recollecting the memories of her School/Junior College days.

That's my mom in the extreme left. She told us many times about this picture and that this captured moment was the last time she met her friends. She told us how she was the first one to get married in their group, being still a teenager at that time. My mom used to write letters to her friends even after marriage and used to send it by post. But with time, the friends drifted apart in their own busy lives loosing contact completely, which is understandable. 

It is heartening to know that we are blessed to be born in this era of social media where our friends are just a click away. With so many social networking platforms, it is very rare that any of your friend is not in your contact anymore.You are able to know the well-being of almost all your friends in one go.

But, think about it....

In the rat race called life, do we really realise this blessing??? Do we really feel the need to connect?

We have friends based on Proximity. People we meet often- with whom we spend a lot of time, have fun together, do crazy things together. We make such friends in school, colleges and in workplaces. But, as we move places, most of these friends will drift apart. Once we stop having those intense conversations on messengers, or keeping in touch, having fun, the friendship slowly ends. The "fun" and "crazy" jokes and laughter that bonded us together no longer happens, and the bond gets cold. We may see each other again after many years, but things wont be the same anymore. We never really knew each other.

However, although rare, there are always some people who are not "just" friends. You can even not meet them that often, or have fun with them, but there is a strange connection you feel with them - as though somehow they kept a piece of you inside of them. These friends never drift apart. This connection is what makes them not see each other,for say, four years and then they just continue where they left off. The recognition of this connection is what it takes. 

The key to lifetime friendships is mutual, raw acceptance, the Heartful connection that brings you together, no matter what. 

I wish I could help my mom connect with her friends the way Prabha did in the movie! Sigh! 

Until then, let's try to keep the connection active, my true friends! I am just a click away 😊. 

Silence is Golden. Always?

They say "Silence is Golden, while Speech is Silver".  I agree. 

Silence is probably the best thing to practice when you want to connect with your inner self. It is the best thing to practice when an argument is going nowhere. It is also the best policy when we don't want to soak in other's negativity. When we are silent and introspect on our evolution, it surely helps us in becoming a better self. It has a medicinal quality that brings out the best in us. When in deep silence you ask your heart, "Am I going in the right path? ", it responds and shows you the direction ahead - That's the magic of the golden silence. 

But then, it is not always golden. We must understand this. When we use it to withhold an emotion or an expression, it becomes toxic and dangerous. 

Recently watched this movie Thappad. It is a thought provoking movie without a doubt and I loved the screenplay and the way the story line was projected and Tapsee's acting as a submissive wife with too many emotions. But, I was not convinced with the solution that the story provides. Does the divorce give her the happiness that she wanted??  The couple lost the happiness forever. Agreed, the husband was obnoxiously self centered. But did she  open up to tell her feelings? After all, she loved him. But she was expecting him to know what she is feeling all by himself. Not just her, but her mother-in-law remains silent. She never speaks to his son and tells him that he should apologize to his wife. Nobody in the family (even her father) opens up about the issue and brainstorm to resolve it. Everyone remains silent, causing the death of a relationship.

Here is where, I feel that Silence is not Golden. Passive aggressive people hurt so much. Sometimes, it is not the confrontation or argument that hurts as much as silence hurts. It eats up like a termite and drains all your energies. Below are the few situations when silence becomes toxic:

When somebody needs your support  - The scene in Thappad, when Taapsee doesnt sleep the whole night -- Mother-in-law knowing it very well that she is hurt and needs emotional support, remains silent and asks her if her son slept well in the night. 

Remember the first day in your office? If you have good memories about that day, it is because there was someone who was not silent. And, if you have bitter memories, it is because perhaps everyone around you was silent or busy in his/her own work.

When you need to take a stand -  If you know for sure that someone has been wronged, you should not be pretending as if you didn't notice. If someone is bullying you, you cannot remain silent. Tapsee's brother's fiance does that beautifully -  Taking a stand and supporting her even if that seems like costing the relationship with her fiance.

After a Clash or war of words- When you choose to not break silence long after the episode, it is as if you are holding a grudge. It creates irreparable knots in the heart that can turn out into some ailment. Not responding to an apology message doesn't unburden you. Forgiving and forgetting alone liberates you. 

Can you think of other situations when it is not golden?? Drop in your comments!

So dear friends... Silence works and is Golden only if it is practiced for self evolution.

If you think that you can take revenge by remaining silent, please remember that it is gonna hurt you as much too. It is a two-sided knife which only gives pain. If you think that by being silent,  you are just being submissive to save the relationship, that too is building up a volcano of knots inside you if you are not truly forgiving and forgetting.

Practice Speech - Good speech. Try to remain calm but not silent (easier said than done, though) . Sometimes speech may go aggressive way, try and control it, But if damage is already done, Apologize. Forgive if someone apologizes. Simple! 

Stay peaceful! Stay Blessed!

This too, shall pass!!

The current situation - covid-19 outbreak and lockdown in India reminds me of a story... The story of a pregnant deer, which I received as a forward message long time back. But the moral of this story is so relevant today, that I felt the urge to share it. 

In a remote forest, a pregnant deer was about to give birth to a baby. It finds a remote grass field nearby a river and slowly goes there thinking it would be safe.
As she moves slowly, she gets labor pain. At the same moment, dark clouds gather around that area and lightning starts a forest fire.
Turning left she sees a hunter who is aiming an arrow from a distance. As she tries to move towards right, she spots a hungry lion approaching towards her.....

What can the pregnant deer do .as she was already under labor pain ?

What do you think will happen?
Will the deer survive?
Will it give birth to a fawn?
Will the fawn survive? OR
Will everything be burnt by the forest fire?
That particular moment?

Can the deer go left? Hunter’s arrow is pointing!
Can she go right? Hungry male lion approaching!
Can she move up? Forest fire!
Can she move down? Fierce River!
Answer: She does nothing. She just focuses on giving birth to a new LIFE!
The sequence of events that happens at that fraction of a second (moment) are as follows:

In a spur of MOMENT & a lightning strikes (already it is cloudy ) and blinds the eyes of the Hunter. At that MOMENT, he releases the arrow missing and zipping past the deer. At that MOMENT the arrow hits and injures the lion badly. At that MOMENT, it starts to rain heavily and puts out the forest fire. At that next MOMENT, the deer gives birth to a healthy fawn.

Sometimes, when the storm is not in your control, and going against the tides doesn't seem possible, the best thing you can do is to calm down. Be there wherever you are in a calm mode and prioritize things. Do whatever you can in your limits. In this case, staying home and staying safe is the priority. 

The world is going through a very difficult phase. Did we ever imagine 190+ countries dealing with the same problem at the same time? It's a war like situation, entire humankind at one end, virus on the other end. But we need to continue to have that little faith in the divine intervention. We need to practice feeling grateful for what we have and pray for the universe. Pray for the daily wage workers, who are suffering the most because of this lockdown situation. Donate if you can. Paid leave for the house help is the least one can do. We need to be like the deer in the story - prioritizing life of ourselves and the people around us over other things. Nature is teaching us something new. Let's learn. Let's love each other. Let's pray together. 

This storm shall pass too. Believe, that this shall pass too. 



India 2020

This is the last week of the year 2019. And we are marching on to 2020. 2020 is the year we waited for long. We waited for this year from the time the book India 2020 of our dear president Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam was released. 

Alas!! We have irrecoverably failed the great visionary's vision for 2020 as a Nation. 

The news these days is depressing to say the least. 

* CAA+NPR+NRC  - creating divide among the citizens. 

* Raising of extreme Hindutva Ideologies

* Economy in ICU

* Curfews

* Increasing Internet Shutdowns

* Increasing concerns with respect to Women Safety.

* Naming of great institutions like JNU and Jamias as Anti-national. 

*And the list is long. 

Haters are gonna attack me - "Where were you when Kashmiri Pandits exodus happened?? " ; "Where were you when UPA govt failed?? And scams... At least BJP is not involved in any of the scams like UPA you see". (let me not even mention the question of "Did you even read what CAA is?, etc. ". Now that it is clear that even PM Modi and Mr. Amit Shah are confused on CAA, NRC and NPR . ) 

My answers to them are honestly and selfishly innocent. I was hardly 5 years old when Kashmiri Pandits were attacked. And for UPA govt, I did realize that scams were happening and I was disappointed with Maun PM MMS. But it didn't bother me much then. 

May be it is that now I am in my 30s with home loan and responsibilities, I care more about the economy of my country. May be I am more aware now. May be I have seen more life in the last 10 years. I know now that no jobs are secure. Unemployment is hitting the country hard. 

So haters/ opposers - Before you conclude that I am an idiot, illogical, etc. Please note the below lines that I quote herewith :

‘It has been my experience that I am always true from my point of view, but am often wrong from the point of view of my honest critics. I know that we are both right from our respective points of view. And this knowledge saves me from attributing motives to my opponents or critics. The seven blind men who gave seven different descriptions of the elephant were all right from their respective points of view, and wrong from the point of view of one another, and right and wrong from the point of view of the man who knew the elephant. I very much like this doctrine of the manyness of reality. Formerly I used to resent the ignorance of my opponents. Today I can love them because I am gifted with the eye to see myself as others see them and vice-versa.’ - Gandhi

For Peace sake agree to disagree. 

Now, coming back to the issues - can we please agree (or agree to disagree) that there is a problem and there are real issues to concentrate on. Until and unless the government accepts it's failures it will never be able to recover. People had a lot of hopes with BJP govt, with the irrecoverable fall of Congress. Modi vs who was the problem then, Modi vs who is the problem now. The kind of orator Mr Modi is, the country will fall for him again if he accepts his failures. The government has to move out of the publicity gimmicks. Enough of entertainment in the News Channels and Mann ki baat.  Enough of bringing on Hindu Muslim debates. Enough of expenditures on Ram mandirs, statue of unities.. We don't need statue of unity, we need unity in this country right now. 

Urgent actions should be taken on 3Es of the nation - Education, Employment and Economy.  Nothing is more important than this at present. Period. Government should let the ignited minds of the universities work for the development of the country. By naming them as urban Naxals and anti-nationals where are we trying to take the youth to?? 

And what should we do as citizens? 

First and foremost, accept the existing flaws. Without that you cannot cure the disease. Be a patriot. Freedom of expression is a tool to brainstorm about the solutions. Keep expressing your thoughts. Your opinions. Trust me, they do matter. 

Dr. Kalam used to say, that we should not always just blame the government. We need to bring the change in ourselves as well. 

For us, the system consists of everyone else except you and me.  When it comes to making a positive contribution to the system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and wait for a Mr.Clean to come along and work miracles for us, or we leave the country and run away. Dr. Kalam stressed on two important facts to achieve his vision – Sensitization to problems and a will to achieve. One should rise above ones routine, mundane problems and try and achieve something beyond the ordinary. 

I wish and pray that we as Indians are able to settle the superficial differences, think and act in a direction that leads to prosperity of the country. 

Wish you all a happy new year 2020. May we be able to make his vision a reality by 2030.

Signing off - hopelessly optimistic Indian🇮🇳

Yes! I am a Feminist, but...

My colleague recently created her blog site - theworkingwoman.in. This site is open to take contributions from other writers and I was already excited that this may give me the required push to continue writing. I started consciously attempting to think what can be a good topic for this site.

"The working woman" - The title already gave me a good feel. I gave a pat on my back myself . I am THE Working woman - The SUPER working woman. 
But reflecting on the superpowers and victorious womanhood, it occurred to me- Do we ever give the chance to men to get the same feeling? How about the Working Man? Or say the homemaker husband.? Majority of our society will laugh at both the titles - the first one being very obvious and second one being very odd. Women have the privilege to use both the titles "the working woman" and "the homemaker wife" for our self pride.

Please don't get me wrong here, ladies. I am a feminist and I do realize the challenges that a woman faces in this patriarchal society. I do realize that even today, a large portion of our women population is underprivileged and the feminism movement should carry on - for the underprivileged, oppressed women. I do realize that in the current situation at work place, women need some level of flexibility in order to manage both work and life - especially the working mothers.

But then, there are many among us, who don't really understand and appreciate equalism. In my 12 years of career, I have worked with many female associates and I have witnessed many who always have the woman card on board.  Not making the post very lengthy, will just give 2 examples :

Scene1 -
Conversation between me and a female colleague:
Colleague - I got a marriage proposal.
Me- wow, great. So, what happened?
Colleague - I had a good conversation with him. Lives in the same city. Works in MNC. All was fine. But....
Me - But?
Colleague - He feels that both partners should work to have a better living. Implies that he wants me to continue working after marriage.
Me - So what? I think he is right. Don't you want to work after marriage?
Colleague - I do want to work. But that should be my choice, not his compulsion. It implies that he is incapable of managing finances without my help.

Now, think about it - are we ever ok if the man says that earning or not earning must be his own choice. Then why do we want to take that leverage.

Scene 2-
Conversation between me and the same female colleague:
Colleague - I got a marriage proposal.
Me- wow, great. So, what happened?
Colleague - I had a good conversation with him. Lives in the same city. Works in MNC. All was fine. But....
Me - But?
Colleague - He feels that their should be balance and that is achieved if wife is a homemaker, especially after kids. Implies that he wants me to leave job after marriage or kids.
Me : Doesn't it also imply that he is financially very capable. ;)
Colleague- Why should I sacrifice my job?

Husband and wife should be complementing each other and not competing with each other. It should more be about fulfilling the needs of the moment and sharing the load.
If the men of the family work on daily household chores - it is just ok - nothing super great about it - nothing to laugh about it. And if the women work in the office - it is equally just ok - nothing super great about it.

In ideal scenarios, we should be able to share the load, share the responsibilities and succeed together in life without any prejudices, insecurities and fear. We need to strike the right balance between being a Feminist and being an humanist.
"No more stereotypes" is far from reality for now and I cant say that I absolutely don't have stereotypes for anyone- but we can always consciously attempt to be better individuals.