Reflecting on these things, I realized, that as we grow old, we keep teing the knots in our hearts for things we feel offensive about. Kids have this "forgive" feature naturally, and we adults should consciously try to build that feature. In this post, I will try to explain how we can consciously try to build it.
The base of any good relationship is positivity, consistent communication and transparency apart from love which is a key ingredient. If any of these three arms is fractured, it is always possible to heal the relationship. There is always an alternative to breaking the relationship. We all must have gone through these scenarios. We are living in a world where we are not really good collectively at handling disagreements, talking about the hurt. We don't talk about forgiveness and we don't give chance to make mends in relationships.
How do we make an attempt to save a relationship?
Firstly, however hard it may sound, try to consciously build a LOT of compassion for that person and say to yourself "I know how it must have felt to them! Sometimes we take things too personally. Whatever they did or said is their narrative and it's their lens through which they are seeing things. I never intended to hurt them (if they are hurt) or they perhaps never intended to hurt me(if you are hurt) ". So move out of defensiveness and build compassion.
Secondly, reach out to them. Reaching out to make mends is a sign that you value the relationship. If you are the one who hurt the other person, apologize. You can keep the ego aside, give them the time they need and say that the doors are open from your side, acknowledging and communicating that whatever happened, I still want to mend , I am still here and I still believe that it can be repaired if you are willing to make it happen. They might not want to talk to you. Respect their process and just be around to invite them to engage or participate in other conversations if they don't want to participate in that "big" conversations. Never shut the door.
Build bridges not walls - Even if it doesn't work out the way you would want -you have built a bridge by saying that "This relationship means a lot to me and that if you are ever willing, I am here to rebuild the trust". In the end, if they have shut the doors from their end , the closure will still feel better in a way that you will feel that dignity, you showed up and you were willing to and are willing to.
Remind yourself of the emotional investment that you have done before breaking it up.
So true. When we are open we learn from each experience and interaction with children. Nice learning.
ReplyDeleteThank you, peddananagaru 🙏
ReplyDeleteVery well written👌
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