Preserving Relationships

Door bell rang when I was doing some work that afternoon. It was my neighbour who came along with her son, who is Vishnu's classmate. She informed me that Vishnu has hit her son and he is hurt, and that he has been fighting with him from quite sometime. Embarrassment is a small word which I felt at that time. I hugged the boy and apologized on Vishnu's behalf and promised him that Vishnu will apologize. Loads of gyan were given to Vishnu from each of the family member, that no matter what, one should never hurt the other person. He did apologize and did promise that he will not do it again. Week later, these two boys are now best of the friends, playing for hours together now. Now I asked this boy, " Is Vishnu still being mean to you? " He innocently lovingly replied, "aunty wo tho kabhi pareshan nahi karta mujhe... Us dinn tho sirf dhakka diya tha.. Galti se main gir gaya! " (Aunty, he is never mean to me. He pushed a little that day, and I fell off) . I laughed at the innocence and the cuteness with which he said it. Kids forgive and forget so easily. That's the beauty of childhood. 

Reflecting on these things, I realized, that as we grow old, we keep teing the knots in our hearts for things we feel offensive about. Kids have this "forgive" feature naturally, and we adults should consciously try to build that feature.  In this post, I will try to explain how we can consciously try to build it. 

The base of any good relationship is positivity, consistent communication and transparency apart from love which is a key ingredient. If any of these three arms is fractured, it is always possible to heal the relationship. There is always an alternative to breaking the relationship. We all must have gone through these scenarios. We are living in a world where we are not really good collectively at handling disagreements, talking about the hurt. We don't talk about forgiveness and we don't give chance to make mends in relationships. 

How do we make an attempt to save a relationship? 

Firstly, however hard it may sound, try to consciously build a LOT of compassion for that person and say to yourself "I know how it must have felt to them! Sometimes we take things too personally. Whatever they did or said is their narrative and it's their lens through which  they are seeing things. I never intended to hurt them (if they are hurt) or they perhaps never intended to hurt me(if you are hurt) ". So move out of defensiveness and build compassion. 

Secondly, reach out to them. Reaching out to make mends is a sign that you value the relationship. If you are the one who hurt the other person, apologize. You can keep the ego aside, give them the time they need and say that the doors are open from your side, acknowledging and communicating that whatever happened,  I still want to mend , I am still  here and I still believe that it can be repaired if you are willing to make it happen. They might not want to talk to you.  Respect their process and just be around to invite them to engage or participate in other conversations if they don't want to participate in that "big" conversations. Never shut the door. 

Build bridges not walls - Even if it doesn't work out the way you would want -you have built a bridge by saying that "This relationship means a lot to me and that if you are ever willing, I am here to rebuild the trust". In the end, if they have shut the doors from their end , the closure will still feel better in a way that you will feel that dignity, you showed up and you were willing to and are willing to. 

Remind yourself of the emotional investment that you have done before breaking it up. 

Little things in life

My son is now 8 years old. In covid times, kids have adjusted so well with the online home schooling. So has my son. How much I have to scold him daily to keep up the same discipline is a seperate story! 

During one of his online classes his English teacher was teaching him writing a Diary entry.  It reminded me my school days, when I was taught the same. I encouraged him to maintain a diary where he can note all the little things of life. Writing emotions and events is like communicating with yourself. It helps you to read yourself. 

I felt nostalgic about my own diaries. Where have I kept them!!! They are eating dust in a corner cupboard inside a small bag. I took all of them out. There were 5 diaries. I turned the pages one by one, some of which have now turned yellow as if saying that we are aged now.  Last time I wrote an entry was when my son was 5 months old. So.. It's almost been 7 years. Not that I used to write it daily earlier, but it definitely was more frequent. Thanks to my blog, I have atleast been able to write journals through these posts. But, blog still is no match to a diary;  with a diary you don't need to worry about the audience. 

The little things that I wrote decades ago gave a fresh feeling. Why did I stop maintaining it! No time is just an excuse. I thanked God, that during my crucial age ( 18-25), social media wasn't this much active in our lives. I might have spent all the time watching the short videos in Facebook! 

It's a challenge in this generation of online games, zoom/team/webex meetings, social networking to keep ourselves in touch with little things of life - like enjoying book reading, communicating with self, writing your heart out, making a paper boat, playing ludo with kids etc. 

But I am positive. I think that it is possible to stop the cycle, but it will definitely not be easy. Even just setting the devices down for a few hours a day would be a good way to start to reenter the real world and exit the digital world we’ve been immersed in for so long.

Signing off.... Going to read a page from one of my dust-eating books and then write a page ✍️. 

Women Empowerment

She was 19.

She was raped, strangled. 

When she wanted to shout, her tongue was cut,  limbs paralyzed. Her eyes were bulging out. 

Heart pains watching such incidents in news every now and then. 

We failed her as a system including administration, law and order, media and also as people of this country. Enough has been written about the failure of Government, administration and media. I will write about the people of the country. 

Yes, people of this country! Because we discuss about such incidents sitting comfortably in our living rooms on how wrong all this is, when will this end. And how women should be empowered. We take pride in being ultra modern people who give women their rights. The right to let her wear the clothes of her desire, the right to let her work, the right to sometimes order food when she is not in mood to cook. The right to have a house help for household chores. The right to have a smartphone and the right to update the whatsApp status and so many other rights you see, which by the way, are with *conditions applied*. 

Charity begins at home and be the change you want to see in the world - women empowerment is one of the prime examples of this change that is required in the society we live in. 

And to be honest, I don't take this stand and I am not writing this for the women. Because, most women have already accepted it. They find it absolutely ok when her man shouts at her or gets angry on her for not so great food. Or when he gets angry when he finds that his shoes are not polished. Or when he asks "Did I not tell you to clean up my cupboard! Why is it not done?" with a disrespectful raised eyebrow!  Or when he thinks that it's perfectly ok to show someone else's anger on his wife. Or when everyone believes that raising the child is the prime responsibility of the woman and the man of the house can keep browsing smartphone. Or when one fine day the man commands his wife that she cannot go to work. Most women have accepted that this is how it is! And those who don't accept it are labelled as over outspoken, hard to deal with, the typical jhagda karne wali. Some women start accepting these things to avoid the wrong labels and to get the right labels - tolerant, obedient, the typical komal, sheetal expectations. But deep inside all women get hurt. So, I was saying that I don't take this stand and I am not writing this for women who have already heartfully accepted this flaw in the society. I take this stand for the next generation. 

The next generation is watching you. They say that kids do what they see.

Whenever you raise your voice on your wife, and your wife finds it ok, your kid is watching and absorbing it. He/she will soon subconsciously understand and take it for granted that this is how women can and should be treated. They will believe that it is the men who can "grant" rights to women. This is exactly what happened with you. You are doing what you have imbibed from your family and society over the years and kind of normalized it. 

I must make it a point here, that I am not against compromises. But, just that it should be a two-way street and should be done by self and not forced upon. 

So, dear ultra modern people out there, take a stand and be the change you want to see in your society. There is a long long way to go. 

Friends

Recently, my mom watched and recommended this movie Pink2  Please dont get confused with Pink starring Amitabh Bachchan. Pink2 is a Tamil Movie dubbed in Hindi. Now this was the first time ever that my mom recommended some movie. It is generally the duty of me and my sister to tell mom about the new movies and reviews you know. Curious to know what made my mom recommend it, I watched it too.

Synopsis: 

Prabhavathi (Jyothika) is a feisty, independent woman who makes documentaries. She lives with her two friends and later moves in with her future mother-in-law Gomatha Silkurayappan (Urvashi). Prabha learns that Gomatha misses her school friends Subbulakshmi Mangalamoorthy (Saranya), and Rani Amirthakumari Gothandaraman (Bhanupriya), with whom she has lost contact over the years. Prabha becomes determined to reunite Gomatha with her friends.

Keeping some of the flaws in the movie aside, it is a movie worth watching. A heartwarming movie about three women in their mid-fifties, who lost contact with each other due to circumstances. But when they reunite, they have a great grand time.

My mom shared with us on how she feels nostalgic recollecting the memories of her School/Junior College days.

That's my mom in the extreme left. She told us many times about this picture and that this captured moment was the last time she met her friends. She told us how she was the first one to get married in their group, being still a teenager at that time. My mom used to write letters to her friends even after marriage and used to send it by post. But with time, the friends drifted apart in their own busy lives loosing contact completely, which is understandable. 

It is heartening to know that we are blessed to be born in this era of social media where our friends are just a click away. With so many social networking platforms, it is very rare that any of your friend is not in your contact anymore.You are able to know the well-being of almost all your friends in one go.

But, think about it....

In the rat race called life, do we really realise this blessing??? Do we really feel the need to connect?

We have friends based on Proximity. People we meet often- with whom we spend a lot of time, have fun together, do crazy things together. We make such friends in school, colleges and in workplaces. But, as we move places, most of these friends will drift apart. Once we stop having those intense conversations on messengers, or keeping in touch, having fun, the friendship slowly ends. The "fun" and "crazy" jokes and laughter that bonded us together no longer happens, and the bond gets cold. We may see each other again after many years, but things wont be the same anymore. We never really knew each other.

However, although rare, there are always some people who are not "just" friends. You can even not meet them that often, or have fun with them, but there is a strange connection you feel with them - as though somehow they kept a piece of you inside of them. These friends never drift apart. This connection is what makes them not see each other,for say, four years and then they just continue where they left off. The recognition of this connection is what it takes. 

The key to lifetime friendships is mutual, raw acceptance, the Heartful connection that brings you together, no matter what. 

I wish I could help my mom connect with her friends the way Prabha did in the movie! Sigh! 

Until then, let's try to keep the connection active, my true friends! I am just a click away 😊. 

Silence is Golden. Always?

They say "Silence is Golden, while Speech is Silver".  I agree. 

Silence is probably the best thing to practice when you want to connect with your inner self. It is the best thing to practice when an argument is going nowhere. It is also the best policy when we don't want to soak in other's negativity. When we are silent and introspect on our evolution, it surely helps us in becoming a better self. It has a medicinal quality that brings out the best in us. When in deep silence you ask your heart, "Am I going in the right path? ", it responds and shows you the direction ahead - That's the magic of the golden silence. 

But then, it is not always golden. We must understand this. When we use it to withhold an emotion or an expression, it becomes toxic and dangerous. 

Recently watched this movie Thappad. It is a thought provoking movie without a doubt and I loved the screenplay and the way the story line was projected and Tapsee's acting as a submissive wife with too many emotions. But, I was not convinced with the solution that the story provides. Does the divorce give her the happiness that she wanted??  The couple lost the happiness forever. Agreed, the husband was obnoxiously self centered. But did she  open up to tell her feelings? After all, she loved him. But she was expecting him to know what she is feeling all by himself. Not just her, but her mother-in-law remains silent. She never speaks to his son and tells him that he should apologize to his wife. Nobody in the family (even her father) opens up about the issue and brainstorm to resolve it. Everyone remains silent, causing the death of a relationship.

Here is where, I feel that Silence is not Golden. Passive aggressive people hurt so much. Sometimes, it is not the confrontation or argument that hurts as much as silence hurts. It eats up like a termite and drains all your energies. Below are the few situations when silence becomes toxic:

When somebody needs your support  - The scene in Thappad, when Taapsee doesnt sleep the whole night -- Mother-in-law knowing it very well that she is hurt and needs emotional support, remains silent and asks her if her son slept well in the night. 

Remember the first day in your office? If you have good memories about that day, it is because there was someone who was not silent. And, if you have bitter memories, it is because perhaps everyone around you was silent or busy in his/her own work.

When you need to take a stand -  If you know for sure that someone has been wronged, you should not be pretending as if you didn't notice. If someone is bullying you, you cannot remain silent. Tapsee's brother's fiance does that beautifully -  Taking a stand and supporting her even if that seems like costing the relationship with her fiance.

After a Clash or war of words- When you choose to not break silence long after the episode, it is as if you are holding a grudge. It creates irreparable knots in the heart that can turn out into some ailment. Not responding to an apology message doesn't unburden you. Forgiving and forgetting alone liberates you. 

Can you think of other situations when it is not golden?? Drop in your comments!

So dear friends... Silence works and is Golden only if it is practiced for self evolution.

If you think that you can take revenge by remaining silent, please remember that it is gonna hurt you as much too. It is a two-sided knife which only gives pain. If you think that by being silent,  you are just being submissive to save the relationship, that too is building up a volcano of knots inside you if you are not truly forgiving and forgetting.

Practice Speech - Good speech. Try to remain calm but not silent (easier said than done, though) . Sometimes speech may go aggressive way, try and control it, But if damage is already done, Apologize. Forgive if someone apologizes. Simple! 

Stay peaceful! Stay Blessed!

This too, shall pass!!

The current situation - covid-19 outbreak and lockdown in India reminds me of a story... The story of a pregnant deer, which I received as a forward message long time back. But the moral of this story is so relevant today, that I felt the urge to share it. 

In a remote forest, a pregnant deer was about to give birth to a baby. It finds a remote grass field nearby a river and slowly goes there thinking it would be safe.
As she moves slowly, she gets labor pain. At the same moment, dark clouds gather around that area and lightning starts a forest fire.
Turning left she sees a hunter who is aiming an arrow from a distance. As she tries to move towards right, she spots a hungry lion approaching towards her.....

What can the pregnant deer do .as she was already under labor pain ?

What do you think will happen?
Will the deer survive?
Will it give birth to a fawn?
Will the fawn survive? OR
Will everything be burnt by the forest fire?
That particular moment?

Can the deer go left? Hunter’s arrow is pointing!
Can she go right? Hungry male lion approaching!
Can she move up? Forest fire!
Can she move down? Fierce River!
Answer: She does nothing. She just focuses on giving birth to a new LIFE!
The sequence of events that happens at that fraction of a second (moment) are as follows:

In a spur of MOMENT & a lightning strikes (already it is cloudy ) and blinds the eyes of the Hunter. At that MOMENT, he releases the arrow missing and zipping past the deer. At that MOMENT the arrow hits and injures the lion badly. At that MOMENT, it starts to rain heavily and puts out the forest fire. At that next MOMENT, the deer gives birth to a healthy fawn.

Sometimes, when the storm is not in your control, and going against the tides doesn't seem possible, the best thing you can do is to calm down. Be there wherever you are in a calm mode and prioritize things. Do whatever you can in your limits. In this case, staying home and staying safe is the priority. 

The world is going through a very difficult phase. Did we ever imagine 190+ countries dealing with the same problem at the same time? It's a war like situation, entire humankind at one end, virus on the other end. But we need to continue to have that little faith in the divine intervention. We need to practice feeling grateful for what we have and pray for the universe. Pray for the daily wage workers, who are suffering the most because of this lockdown situation. Donate if you can. Paid leave for the house help is the least one can do. We need to be like the deer in the story - prioritizing life of ourselves and the people around us over other things. Nature is teaching us something new. Let's learn. Let's love each other. Let's pray together. 

This storm shall pass too. Believe, that this shall pass too. 



India 2020

This is the last week of the year 2019. And we are marching on to 2020. 2020 is the year we waited for long. We waited for this year from the time the book India 2020 of our dear president Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam was released. 

Alas!! We have irrecoverably failed the great visionary's vision for 2020 as a Nation. 

The news these days is depressing to say the least. 

* CAA+NPR+NRC  - creating divide among the citizens. 

* Raising of extreme Hindutva Ideologies

* Economy in ICU

* Curfews

* Increasing Internet Shutdowns

* Increasing concerns with respect to Women Safety.

* Naming of great institutions like JNU and Jamias as Anti-national. 

*And the list is long. 

Haters are gonna attack me - "Where were you when Kashmiri Pandits exodus happened?? " ; "Where were you when UPA govt failed?? And scams... At least BJP is not involved in any of the scams like UPA you see". (let me not even mention the question of "Did you even read what CAA is?, etc. ". Now that it is clear that even PM Modi and Mr. Amit Shah are confused on CAA, NRC and NPR . ) 

My answers to them are honestly and selfishly innocent. I was hardly 5 years old when Kashmiri Pandits were attacked. And for UPA govt, I did realize that scams were happening and I was disappointed with Maun PM MMS. But it didn't bother me much then. 

May be it is that now I am in my 30s with home loan and responsibilities, I care more about the economy of my country. May be I am more aware now. May be I have seen more life in the last 10 years. I know now that no jobs are secure. Unemployment is hitting the country hard. 

So haters/ opposers - Before you conclude that I am an idiot, illogical, etc. Please note the below lines that I quote herewith :

‘It has been my experience that I am always true from my point of view, but am often wrong from the point of view of my honest critics. I know that we are both right from our respective points of view. And this knowledge saves me from attributing motives to my opponents or critics. The seven blind men who gave seven different descriptions of the elephant were all right from their respective points of view, and wrong from the point of view of one another, and right and wrong from the point of view of the man who knew the elephant. I very much like this doctrine of the manyness of reality. Formerly I used to resent the ignorance of my opponents. Today I can love them because I am gifted with the eye to see myself as others see them and vice-versa.’ - Gandhi

For Peace sake agree to disagree. 

Now, coming back to the issues - can we please agree (or agree to disagree) that there is a problem and there are real issues to concentrate on. Until and unless the government accepts it's failures it will never be able to recover. People had a lot of hopes with BJP govt, with the irrecoverable fall of Congress. Modi vs who was the problem then, Modi vs who is the problem now. The kind of orator Mr Modi is, the country will fall for him again if he accepts his failures. The government has to move out of the publicity gimmicks. Enough of entertainment in the News Channels and Mann ki baat.  Enough of bringing on Hindu Muslim debates. Enough of expenditures on Ram mandirs, statue of unities.. We don't need statue of unity, we need unity in this country right now. 

Urgent actions should be taken on 3Es of the nation - Education, Employment and Economy.  Nothing is more important than this at present. Period. Government should let the ignited minds of the universities work for the development of the country. By naming them as urban Naxals and anti-nationals where are we trying to take the youth to?? 

And what should we do as citizens? 

First and foremost, accept the existing flaws. Without that you cannot cure the disease. Be a patriot. Freedom of expression is a tool to brainstorm about the solutions. Keep expressing your thoughts. Your opinions. Trust me, they do matter. 

Dr. Kalam used to say, that we should not always just blame the government. We need to bring the change in ourselves as well. 

For us, the system consists of everyone else except you and me.  When it comes to making a positive contribution to the system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and wait for a Mr.Clean to come along and work miracles for us, or we leave the country and run away. Dr. Kalam stressed on two important facts to achieve his vision – Sensitization to problems and a will to achieve. One should rise above ones routine, mundane problems and try and achieve something beyond the ordinary. 

I wish and pray that we as Indians are able to settle the superficial differences, think and act in a direction that leads to prosperity of the country. 

Wish you all a happy new year 2020. May we be able to make his vision a reality by 2030.

Signing off - hopelessly optimistic Indian🇮🇳

Yes! I am a Feminist, but...

My colleague recently created her blog site - theworkingwoman.in. This site is open to take contributions from other writers and I was already excited that this may give me the required push to continue writing. I started consciously attempting to think what can be a good topic for this site.

"The working woman" - The title already gave me a good feel. I gave a pat on my back myself . I am THE Working woman - The SUPER working woman. 
But reflecting on the superpowers and victorious womanhood, it occurred to me- Do we ever give the chance to men to get the same feeling? How about the Working Man? Or say the homemaker husband.? Majority of our society will laugh at both the titles - the first one being very obvious and second one being very odd. Women have the privilege to use both the titles "the working woman" and "the homemaker wife" for our self pride.

Please don't get me wrong here, ladies. I am a feminist and I do realize the challenges that a woman faces in this patriarchal society. I do realize that even today, a large portion of our women population is underprivileged and the feminism movement should carry on - for the underprivileged, oppressed women. I do realize that in the current situation at work place, women need some level of flexibility in order to manage both work and life - especially the working mothers.

But then, there are many among us, who don't really understand and appreciate equalism. In my 12 years of career, I have worked with many female associates and I have witnessed many who always have the woman card on board.  Not making the post very lengthy, will just give 2 examples :

Scene1 -
Conversation between me and a female colleague:
Colleague - I got a marriage proposal.
Me- wow, great. So, what happened?
Colleague - I had a good conversation with him. Lives in the same city. Works in MNC. All was fine. But....
Me - But?
Colleague - He feels that both partners should work to have a better living. Implies that he wants me to continue working after marriage.
Me - So what? I think he is right. Don't you want to work after marriage?
Colleague - I do want to work. But that should be my choice, not his compulsion. It implies that he is incapable of managing finances without my help.

Now, think about it - are we ever ok if the man says that earning or not earning must be his own choice. Then why do we want to take that leverage.

Scene 2-
Conversation between me and the same female colleague:
Colleague - I got a marriage proposal.
Me- wow, great. So, what happened?
Colleague - I had a good conversation with him. Lives in the same city. Works in MNC. All was fine. But....
Me - But?
Colleague - He feels that their should be balance and that is achieved if wife is a homemaker, especially after kids. Implies that he wants me to leave job after marriage or kids.
Me : Doesn't it also imply that he is financially very capable. ;)
Colleague- Why should I sacrifice my job?

Husband and wife should be complementing each other and not competing with each other. It should more be about fulfilling the needs of the moment and sharing the load.
If the men of the family work on daily household chores - it is just ok - nothing super great about it - nothing to laugh about it. And if the women work in the office - it is equally just ok - nothing super great about it.

In ideal scenarios, we should be able to share the load, share the responsibilities and succeed together in life without any prejudices, insecurities and fear. We need to strike the right balance between being a Feminist and being an humanist.
"No more stereotypes" is far from reality for now and I cant say that I absolutely don't have stereotypes for anyone- but we can always consciously attempt to be better individuals.

Circus of illusions

Somebody rightly said, problem is not with the darkness of ignorance, problem is the illusion of knowledge. 

Enough has been reported in news about Dera Baba - Gurmeet Ram Rahim. And we all know that this is not the first instance. There have been many *spiritual* gurus in the recent past who have put the country to shame.

I wonder how they have such a great following that people follow them with a level of compliance. How come people did not challenge him? How people are still (even after looking at the evidences that he was found guilty) following him without a question and are ready to kill and die in his name? This question kept rolling in my mind. Is it fear or ignorance or both?

But think about it, for an ordinary human with pain and suffering, all he needs is help. All he looks for is means to reduce his pain and find peace to his soul. This is what spiritual leaders at large offer – a message of hope and a direction to follow. Think about the great saints: Jesus Christ, Moses, Buddha, Vivekananda; How these great saints across the world had an impact on billions of people across centuries? Essentially, the same thing – a message of hope.

The problem is not with Faith or Belief that people attain on others. The problem here I believe is “Blind Faith” which cannot be proven or dis-proven, which makes us rigid. The only thing one should be rigid about is to be flexible and to believe that the only certainty is that nothing is certain. This will make sure that we are always open to new and improved ideas. 

We all need to attain the wisdom to find the real Guru and seek  direction and purpose of our lives and continue to have the little faith that makes our survival possible. Seek, Experiment, Learn, Adapt and Evolve : A cycle to come out of the circus of illusions . 

Just thinking... 

Waiting - Live Laugh Love

Recently watched this heartwrenching, thought provoking movie - Waiting. It's a story of an old man (Naseeruddin shah) and a young woman (Kalki Koechin) connected by  the same tragedy - spouse being in coma, And, how they support each other in accepting the loss. The movie raises some important questions about love life and letting go. You may want to place it in your must-watch list.

I felt instantly connected with this movie. I could visualise my grand parents in Naseer and Suhasini's role. This made it even more emotional for me.

My grandmother suffered from a brain stroke last year and has been bed-ridden, in semi-coma state since then.  It's been around 15 months. I say semi-coma because she still has sleep cycles. She is on liquid diet. She looks at people, blinks her eyes. When I met her around 6 months back, I could sense that she could listen to people around, but is not able to reciprocate. Her left brain injuries have lead to paralysis on her right side of the body and complete loss of facial expressions. Imagine yourself lying on bed. You cannot move on your own. All you can see is as much you can roll your eyes. Plus at 70plus age your eye sight is weak. Life gets cornered in a rectangular cot.

Now imagine yourself as the caretaker. You have to keep taking care waiting for something to happen. You don't even know if she listens to you and understands. How long could one wait for a response? How long could one deal with the uncertainty of life? My grandfather has been dealing with this trauma day in and day out. He feeds her with unconditional love, swinging between hope and despair. 

That's my grandfather with my grandmother - Eternal love story. I remember how they understood each other without having the need to sometimes even talk. They have loved, laughed and lived with and for each other and now life has come to a long pause! 

He wrote this and kept it in a book, which my mom secretly read and shared with me. It was an emotional read and I treasure it. I saved it in my favourite pics. Today I am sharing with you all. 

He is quite a poet, isn't he? Below is the text:

I cannot say and will not say that she is dead. She is just away with a cheery smile and wave of hand, she has wandered into an unknown land
And left me dreaming how very fair it must be since she lingers there.
Think of her faring on, as dear, in the love of there as love of here.
Think of her still as the same... 
I say.. She is not dead. She is just away.
She has only gone a little ahead, to fashion a home for me.
There will be curtains blowing
And books,as there used to be;
Pictures, a desk and a table fare, 
where friends shall love to come...
She has only gone on as a mother would to make me a new home
She has only gone as others have who vanished from our sight.
others whose lives with ours were wed till that mysterious flight.
None shall declare her death to me,
my loneliness deplore- oh it is like her to go ahead to open the new door.
She has gone only a little ahead, to find me the loveliest place
O darling! now it is clear to me, you have only gone ahead.

On my grandfather's birthday today, I dedicate this post to my beloved grand parents and salute them for everything they have done in their lives and for creating a legacy of love which will last for generations to come.

Scars and survival

It is not always that I don't have anything to write and it is not always time management concerns. Sometimes its just that I avoid personal things on blog. I have always avoided that. But in my hostel years, I really didn't have much personal things. Now that my life revolves around office and home with almost no ME time, the only things that come to my mind are personal. I fear of being judged. I don't want my family and friends to understand things which I may not mean at all. 

We all do this. Sometimes we hide our scars, our sobs and we silently weep being afraid of being judged. We hate saying that we are hurt. We pretend to be happy or become silent, not letting our feelings out.

We should be like children, cry our hearts out when hurt. And soon be happy with tiny things of life -a paper boat, a toy, a toffee or a story. 

When my son broke and dislocated his elbow bone, he was just a year and eight months old. The moment we were back from hospital after his surgery, he was back on his tricycle -all happy. He was on cast for the next four months. He cried when it pained, but soon shifted his mood to a happy one with a simple distraction trick.  Now after almost 2 years, the scar of some twenty stitches is still there. He still remembers how he fell from the slider in the park. But he is not afraid of using the slider. He shows off that scar to his friends with pride, "Look how strong I am!". When I heard him saying this to his friend, I scolded him, "It's not great to get hurt, Vishnu! You should be careful!", I said.

But on a deeper thought, may be this is what we should learn from kids. Scars are but a sign on strength and survival. Kids show their scars with pride. As we grow old, we hide them. Wounds become our secrets. For kids it is a story to tell- An accomplishment.

First Post of this Year & “PASSION”

As the time is ticking to reach 12, I feel the urgent need to update my blog. Only one post this year!! Not Done!! But alas! I could not complete it by 12, and hence renamed it as “First Post of this year”, instead of “Last Post of this year”. :)

As I queried on the topics that I can write today, I saw a few resolutions for next year, few articles on how to live life, and more about how we should do what we love and care nothing about the world. Passion - they say is very important. "Follow your Passion".  And, then I remembered “Tamasha” movie, which I have recently seen. I must say I am an Imtiaz Ali Fan. And, I have liked his movies. But when I watched this movie - I was like... Not Again Man!!! It’s quite exaggerated!  To hell with Passion!

At 30, when I look back at my three decades of existence, I ask myself - How passionate have I been? Do I love my job? Am I Happy? What do I want to do with my life?  

And, the answer is - the first 10 years of your life has gone in copying others. You did what you were told to do by your parents. You did what you saw in your society.  You did what your culture taught you. The next 15 years was spent in learning and finding your individuality to some extent. And, the rest 5 years have gone in commitments and responsibilities and Love…

The answer is - "Yes" and "No". I love my Job, but I also hate my job, sometimes. There are times when I am just not in mood to work. Life is like this. Life is not always like R.Madhavan's in 3 idiots or like Ved’s  in Tamasha’s ending. I am sure, had the story been real, Madhavan of 3 idiots must also be sometimes bored of clicking those wild animals in camera.  And, Ved of Tamasha will feel bored in telling the stories at some point of time, if not always. There is no “passionate” work that you will never get tired of and never complain about. And, that's ok. That’s life.

The answer is – It is OK to do normal work and pursue your passion in the free time, whenever you get a chance. You just don’t have to awkwardly continuously feel like the way Ved does in Tamasha. 

I sometimes feel that movies like these are creating the feeling of emptiness in people. People somehow somewhere connect with these characters and indulge themselves in these characters so much that they stop appreciating the average lives they have. Being Average as a Goal may not sound good, but being average as a result is OK. We should appreciate and accept the mediocrity of life and try to do the best from our ends. 

If you're passionate about something, it will be a part of you, no matter what priorities you have. You will take out time. Tamasha's Ved could have easily figured out a way to fuel his passion of story telling without having to leave his job security in a haste. Enjoy your passion. No matter if you earn money through it or not. Remember the Games period or recess time in school, when we used to jump with joy. 

With this note, I end my blog here - Wishing all of you a great year ahead. May we be able to appreciate the basic experiences of life - through the pleasures of simple friendship, helping someone in need, reading a good book, spending some time in your "passion" , and having a good talk with someone you care about, and acceptance of monotony in life. May you have all these. Happy New Year.

PAUSE -> THINK -> REFLECT -> RESUME

As mentioned in my last post, my idea was to take a pause from writing till I really feel like writing and till I really have something to write. Days passed by, Thoughts did come,  some events did occur which were thought provoking, but the thoughts  never weaved into sentences.  As they say, to be creative, one needs to be in a state of peace. And I was restless overworked and overwhelmed - with household chores to Official  work, with chit chat at home to gossip at office, with running behind my son to running behind my progress at work. Just like I took pause from writing,  I wanted to  take pause from everything, where I could put the rat race on hold.  
But then, it occurred to me that though "Pausing" is a great idea, but until and unless you think and reflect in that pause time, it is of no use.  And elongated pause is equal to dead. 

So, I decided to take pauses just like we take naps, with a resolution to take out time to think and  reflect on the big questions of life and bigger priorities of life.

This pause helps me to take out time to tune in to my inner wise self.
And my inner wise self told me "Stop being busy for a short while and Start being the one who you came to be." 
  
And one of the magical results is this post of mine. I found that extra hour, when I paused and the time slowed down for me to think, reflect and act, so that I resume to my daily chores with greater satisfaction.

"In life, the journey should be as interesting as the destination"
  
Wanna try it for yourself? Start by staring from the window of your cab or from the corridor of your home.. Close your eyes for a minute… and there you go… into the pool of reflections...

Hmm... I Dont know

I don't know really, what to write... I scribbled something on the notepad, quite a few times and deleted it before writing it over here...

 I am keeping extremely busy these days to find time to blog. Its been more than half a year that I opened my laptop... Today, when I caught some time to login, I checked up my blog just to to wonder that its been more than 11 months that I didn't write any post...

11 months!! Before it is a complete one year of my absence on the blog, let me write something... there is lot to write, I thought. But when I started writing, I realized that the creative flow is lost  dried up so much that I am actually not even missing it. Am I writing it as part of my obsession of looking at my blog being read?? I wonder...

When you stop talking to your close friend because of your busy life, you loose touch first and finally one fine day... you are "close" just for saying sake and nothing really close remains. You miss to know most of the happenings in each other's lives... Similarly, when you stop writing, the expressions inside somehow, somewhat dies and the love for writing becomes superficial .. But then.. isnt it natural... going with the natural flow...?

I leave my post here with this amusement.. I will be back on blog when I actually miss blogging.. !

Saadda haq, Aithe rakh!!!

This song from Rockstar is one of the rarest songs, which has powerful set of lyrics with a magical musical blend of rebellious tone . Though the lyrics are simple, they are packed with a powerful punch of musical chords that show anger, frustration and hurt. Hats off to ARR's composition, Irshad Kamil's lyrics and Mohit Chauhan's voice.
(Lyrics/Meaning : Courtesy :Lyrics & Translation)

Tum logon ki, iss duniya mein
Har kadam pe, insaan galat
Main sahi samaj ke jo bhi kahoon
Tum kehte ho galat, main galat hoon phir kaun sahi (phir kaun sahi)
Marzi se jeene ki bhi main
Kya tum sabko arzi doon
Matlab ki tum sabka mujhpe
Mujhse bhi zyada haq hai
Saadda haq, aithe rakh

In this world of you people,
at every step, a human is wrong..
whatever I feel is right and say,
you call it wrong, if I'm wrong then who's right?Should I send you a request
for me to live with my own wish?
means you all have a right on me 
more than I do..
(it's) my right, put it here (give it to me)

Hey inn qataaron mein ya udhaaron mein
Tum mere jeenay ki aadat ka kyun gott rahe dum
Besaleeqa main, uss gali ka main
Na jis mein haya, na jis mein sharam
Mann bole ke rasmein jeenay ka harjaana duniya dushman
Sab begaana inhe aag lagaana
Mann bole mann bole, mann se jeena ya marr jaana

hey, in these queues,
or in credits,
why do you choke my habit of living..I am mannerless,I am from that street,
where there is no shame..
Heart says that..customs are compensation (like a fee here) for living,
this world is enemy n all belongs to someone else..
burn them..heart says..
heart says..to live by the heart, or die...

O eco-friendly, nature ke rakshak, main bhi hoon nature
Rivaazon se, samaajhon se kyon
Tu kaate mujhe, kyun baante mujhse iss tarah
Kyun sach ka sabak sikhaaye, jab sach sunn bhi na paaye
Sach koi bole toh tu niyam kanoon bataaye
Tera darr, tera pyaar, teri waah, tu hi rakh

O Eco Friendly,O saver of nature,I am nature too..
From customs,from societies,
why do you cut me off..
why do you divide me like that?
Why do you teach the lesson of truth
when you cannot even listen to the truth,
when someone speaks the truth
you start telling (giving) rules and regulations..
your fear, your love,
your praise..
you only keep..
keep them, damn it!

The lyrics say it all... The beauty of this song is that one can relate to it. We all have at some point in our lives felt that humiliation Somewhere, sometime, we all must have and continue to carry that helplessness feeling. That feeling could be due to the norms in the society, the legal proceedings, the politicians or the corruption or a dominating boss at work or even due to the misunderstandings among family members or friends. And a day comes when "enough is enough" feeling creeps in. And then revolution begins.

The Anna Revolution, the protests against the unfortunate evil night of December 16, Malala's fight for the right to education, these are just a few examples of the revolutions that took lime light. Every day a millions of revolutions must be taking place under millions of roofs all over the world. The revolutions succeed or not is again a different story... those revolutions provide a positive impact or negative impact on society is yet again a different story...

On the occasion of Independence day, I dedicate this song to all those unfortunate souls who silently weep the oppression and inner violence; who feel trapped and imprisoned, unable to express themselves; above all to women who have faced and continue to face harassment from the society who dictate and abdicate their freedom of choice.
And pray that everyone gets their Freedom; the right to express themselves freely without having the fear of being judged and to live the life with dignity and with peace.

Cooking the uncooked!

My mom always had the constant fear of how this lazy girl will manage after marriage. "What will you cook and how will you, if you don't practice it from now??". I argued with her that cooking is not any rocket science... all the recipes are a click away in youtube...

Post marriage, life was easy with cooking (thanks to joint family).. I always had a guide to ask.. "Bhabhi, kitna pani?, kitna namak? Shall I switch off the stove now?".
And I was feeling.. "Look! How simple it was! You just need the steps.. and anyone can become chef!! :p"

The day soon came when I had to make food all by myself when both my Mother-in-law and Sis-in-law were away.  Woke up with the thought that will make rajma for tonight. Read newspaper leisurely. Took bread and butter,while munching it, watched the video on youtube on how to prepare rajma... "That was simpler than I thought", I thought. While going towards kitchen thought "Itni bhi kya jaldi hai... let me talk to sis". While talking to her, she told me rajma recipe without asking for it.. I said "yes I know.. I just saw it in youtube" with heights of over confidence. After the call, kept the soaked rajma in pressure cooker to boil. Kept on waiting for whistle. "What's wrong! Why the hell it is not giving whistle... anyways let me prepare the curry while it gets boiled". My curry was prepared, but the bloody cooker didn't give whistle. Somethings smelling wrong, I thought. House maid came at that moment and she helped me open the cooker..! "CRAP!" , its all burnt!!! :( tears were almost at the edge of the eyelids... "Rajma..." I sighed. Maid told me not to worry and rajma can be prepared without having the need to soak it overnight. Somehow, prepared rajma with assistance of the maid.... and that night thankfully everyone had hearty meal.

After more than a year now, I still am learning and now have realized that cooking and other works for that matter are not as easy as searching in google. Yes, cooking is not rocket science.. but needs practice.
Knowledge these days is click away in your mobiles... application is important. Without practice, knowledge goes useless.. and it is with practice and experience that you achieve things in life. So... my friends out there, who have the illusion that "they have good knowledge, have read many books, know about many things, are intellects, so on and so forth.." , Please take a pause! and understand that KNOWING is different from DOING , else you too will have the burnt rajmas to make you realise this. :) :p

The Mumbles inside me

Its been a long time since I wrote something.. No Diary, no posts, no notes... Nothing!
Today, I'm writing because I just want to continue writing. Feels like I lost the art of writing. Feels like I forgot how to make a diary entry...

There were too many happenings in my life in these 5 months to note down. My coming back to Delhi after 5 years, Marriage, my new family, Trip to Kerala with hubby, New boring workplace.. Some exciting things, some extremely boring things.. Some happy moments and a few brooding moments.. 
But I could not note down any of my thoughts.. because, precisely, I didn't get enough time to write down .. (Ok.. I didn't take out enough time). When you write a blog post, you have a thought that begins the process of writing, and that thought weaves on till it comes to a conclusion...  But when you have too many thoughts... that too very disconnected thoughts, how would you be able to conclude it in one post??? I have been mumbling to myself all these months, many thoughts which were forgotten soon after mumbling.

The most recent mumble today:
"Priorities change with Time" - Experiencing this itself is a kind of revelation...Revelation, that we need to learn to prioritize things and changes without changing the self completely... 
(P.S : U must have noticed in this post that my writing ability has drastically degraded.. :( I will try to keep writing instead of mumbling... )

World Peace or World in Pieces ?

September 21st is United Nations International Day of Peace. 
Be it Valentine's day, Independence Day, Diwali, Holi or any other festival or any news update, social networking sites and the blogosphere are flooded with those topics.  I was wondering that I was not able to find a single blog dedicated on this topic.. nor, did I find a single word of peace on facebook. So, thought of trying my bit to write about it. I wanted to write about it not because I have so much to say about it and not because I have done something so good on this day to share and not because I have some ideas on increasing peace or anything like that... The only purpose of writing this post is just to spread a simple word thought of *peace* within my limited scope of this blog... because praying for world peace has to be a collective thought, to give it strength...


"Peace" has been a very common idea for most of us.. but peace is easier said than done... Because, Human being is manufactured that way. Anger, for instance, is an inbuilt quality in human beings. A year old kid will cry in anger if you try to take his favorite teddy away from him. And, as he grows, grows the greed, jealousy, and the feeling of supremacy within him. And, the world thus is divided into pieces... Taking into consideration the current events, the world is far from peace. Be it corruption, on going wars in Iraq, Afghanistan etc., Disturbances in Kashmir, the local daily news of murders and rapes, our daily news is more about crime, corruption and war...  


 So, How can world exist in peace, when the world is actually living in pieces???


In Lao Tzu's words, ‎"If there is to be peace in the world, There must be peace in the nations. If there is to be peace in the nations, There must be peace in the cities. If there is to be peace in the cities, There must be peace between neighbors. If there is to be peace between neighbors, There must be peace in the home. If there is to be peace in the home, There must be peace in the heart."  And, if there is to be peace in the heart, there must be a mind willing to seek for it...

"Let There Be Peace on Earth and let it begin with me. Let There Be Peace on Earth, the peace that was meant to be! With God as our Father, brothers all are we. Let me walk with my brother in perfect harmony."

Amen!

My dear friend - Lost & Found

Alone I was waiting for you... Waiting for you to come back.... And you did come back...
I missed you dearly and solemnly. I remembered the first day I met you and hugged you. It was a fine evening on 15th of May, 2009. And, I just could not stop cursing the bad world outside which separated us. For a few days, I thought it was your demise and I will have to move on. I thought I lost you forever.... I never knew that every single snap and every favorite song and movie would seem like a painful reminiscence...  But my happiness knew no bounds when you came back... my friend, my guide... my dear DELL Inspiron Laptop.... !!! I lovingly named you "GRACE" and by His Grace, you did come back to me... Thank you.


Yes, Finally, My dear laptop came back to me after a long struggle... It was stolen from my room. I cursed myself for the fleeting second that I kept it reachable for the thief...  


Lessons that this episode taught me are:
1) When you lock your room, for God's sake don't put the keys in the window. It's more than foolish to do so...It's like putting your hand in the mouth of a hungry lion and asking it not to bite... 
2) S*** happens.
3) You just need to get a grip...
4) Nothing is immortal.
5) Gyaan is easier to give than to implement.
6) Don't worry of what happens next.. Even if nothing happens, at least you'll get experience..  (kyon darein Zindagi Mein Kya Hoga, Kuch Na Hoga To Tajruba Hoga)
7) The above point might sound like optimistic nonsense, but it is not. And, yes.. I still support the 5th point. ;)
8) Police and Court proceedings take a lot of time... you just need to have patience. (You might be wondering how police and court came into picture... Yes, the thief was caught by the police with my laptop bag and its belongings. When I went to the police station to take my belongings, I was told that I have to hire an advocate to claim that it's mine.)
9) You might want to kick the Judge and ask him "Are you NUTS???", when the only question he asks to give release orders is "What do you call laptop in Telugu?" and delays your case because you are clueless of what he is asking... I mean, how on earth is it a related question?.. Was he trying o be funny? It's not funny and that too when you are waiting for around 5 hrs, outside a magistrate court (which resembled more of a fish market) for a Lady to call your advocate's name and your name in a rather grumpy voice!! So... You might want to kick him... but you cannot! because he is the "honourable judge" and calling him nuts would be "contempt of court".
10) You always rely on friends and family. Nothing much you can do without their support. "I can do it all by myself" feeling is crushed and you need people around you, who are there for you... As the new airtel ad's song goes.... Har ek friend zaruri hotha hai.. :) :)

Ages in Marriage

Evening walks, though I go for one very rarely, are a delight. In the busy parks, you get to see children playing and shouting there sweats out, old aged people having a slow walk with serious discussions, and youngsters jogging hard to keep themselves fit. I prefer walking slowly, observing the strangers in the pleasant weather. On one such evening I encountered a couple.

He brought an ice-cream for her as she sat on the bench in the park. She took it with a big toothless smile. The smile reached her spectacled eyes.. :) He looked at her lovingly as if saying to her "Did you see happiness in my eyes??, It is nothing but reflection of your happiness, my dear!" I boomed with an unknown happiness as I framed out this sentence from their expressions. "O-How-sweet-of-them" feeling inside me reminded me of the video below...

Remember when I was young and so were you
and time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when

Remember when we vowed the vows
and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when

Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when

Remember when the sound of little feet
was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give it up
Remember when

Remember when thirty seemed so old
Now lookn' back it's just a steppin' stone
To where we are,
Where we've been
Said we'd do it all again
Remember when
Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad
For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when....

It could have been a love marriage or...an arranged marriage.. That is not important today. What remains important is, at one point of time in their lives, they were strangers.. And, today they are most important for each other... 

I was still looking at them, "ice-creams in their hands, enjoying before it melts, looking at the reflection of happiness in each other's eyes"...They are loving, they are living.... 

While coming out of the park, a few Q&A within me...
Was their journey comfortable or tiresome and frustrating?? - Well, it can be both. It could have been both... The more important question is, is the journey taking them to the destination?
"What does love mean?" Love doesn't mean anything. Love is. It is the state of existence. 
"Is love sweet or sour?"  Love is neither sweet, nor sour. When you expect it to be sweet, it turns sour and when you are willing to accept the sour love, it becomes sweet. But it is neither. 
They say with ages in marriage, love grows... because as they grow old, the desires fall off, the expectations too... they just need each other for each other... 


A life lived with love for and with your close ones is a Love story in itself...