Women Empowerment

She was 19.

She was raped, strangled. 

When she wanted to shout, her tongue was cut,  limbs paralyzed. Her eyes were bulging out. 

Heart pains watching such incidents in news every now and then. 

We failed her as a system including administration, law and order, media and also as people of this country. Enough has been written about the failure of Government, administration and media. I will write about the people of the country. 

Yes, people of this country! Because we discuss about such incidents sitting comfortably in our living rooms on how wrong all this is, when will this end. And how women should be empowered. We take pride in being ultra modern people who give women their rights. The right to let her wear the clothes of her desire, the right to let her work, the right to sometimes order food when she is not in mood to cook. The right to have a house help for household chores. The right to have a smartphone and the right to update the whatsApp status and so many other rights you see, which by the way, are with *conditions applied*. 

Charity begins at home and be the change you want to see in the world - women empowerment is one of the prime examples of this change that is required in the society we live in. 

And to be honest, I don't take this stand and I am not writing this for the women. Because, most women have already accepted it. They find it absolutely ok when her man shouts at her or gets angry on her for not so great food. Or when he gets angry when he finds that his shoes are not polished. Or when he asks "Did I not tell you to clean up my cupboard! Why is it not done?" with a disrespectful raised eyebrow!  Or when he thinks that it's perfectly ok to show someone else's anger on his wife. Or when everyone believes that raising the child is the prime responsibility of the woman and the man of the house can keep browsing smartphone. Or when one fine day the man commands his wife that she cannot go to work. Most women have accepted that this is how it is! And those who don't accept it are labelled as over outspoken, hard to deal with, the typical jhagda karne wali. Some women start accepting these things to avoid the wrong labels and to get the right labels - tolerant, obedient, the typical komal, sheetal expectations. But deep inside all women get hurt. So, I was saying that I don't take this stand and I am not writing this for women who have already heartfully accepted this flaw in the society. I take this stand for the next generation. 

The next generation is watching you. They say that kids do what they see.

Whenever you raise your voice on your wife, and your wife finds it ok, your kid is watching and absorbing it. He/she will soon subconsciously understand and take it for granted that this is how women can and should be treated. They will believe that it is the men who can "grant" rights to women. This is exactly what happened with you. You are doing what you have imbibed from your family and society over the years and kind of normalized it. 

I must make it a point here, that I am not against compromises. But, just that it should be a two-way street and should be done by self and not forced upon. 

So, dear ultra modern people out there, take a stand and be the change you want to see in your society. There is a long long way to go. 

Friends

Recently, my mom watched and recommended this movie Pink2  Please dont get confused with Pink starring Amitabh Bachchan. Pink2 is a Tamil Movie dubbed in Hindi. Now this was the first time ever that my mom recommended some movie. It is generally the duty of me and my sister to tell mom about the new movies and reviews you know. Curious to know what made my mom recommend it, I watched it too.

Synopsis: 

Prabhavathi (Jyothika) is a feisty, independent woman who makes documentaries. She lives with her two friends and later moves in with her future mother-in-law Gomatha Silkurayappan (Urvashi). Prabha learns that Gomatha misses her school friends Subbulakshmi Mangalamoorthy (Saranya), and Rani Amirthakumari Gothandaraman (Bhanupriya), with whom she has lost contact over the years. Prabha becomes determined to reunite Gomatha with her friends.

Keeping some of the flaws in the movie aside, it is a movie worth watching. A heartwarming movie about three women in their mid-fifties, who lost contact with each other due to circumstances. But when they reunite, they have a great grand time.

My mom shared with us on how she feels nostalgic recollecting the memories of her School/Junior College days.

That's my mom in the extreme left. She told us many times about this picture and that this captured moment was the last time she met her friends. She told us how she was the first one to get married in their group, being still a teenager at that time. My mom used to write letters to her friends even after marriage and used to send it by post. But with time, the friends drifted apart in their own busy lives loosing contact completely, which is understandable. 

It is heartening to know that we are blessed to be born in this era of social media where our friends are just a click away. With so many social networking platforms, it is very rare that any of your friend is not in your contact anymore.You are able to know the well-being of almost all your friends in one go.

But, think about it....

In the rat race called life, do we really realise this blessing??? Do we really feel the need to connect?

We have friends based on Proximity. People we meet often- with whom we spend a lot of time, have fun together, do crazy things together. We make such friends in school, colleges and in workplaces. But, as we move places, most of these friends will drift apart. Once we stop having those intense conversations on messengers, or keeping in touch, having fun, the friendship slowly ends. The "fun" and "crazy" jokes and laughter that bonded us together no longer happens, and the bond gets cold. We may see each other again after many years, but things wont be the same anymore. We never really knew each other.

However, although rare, there are always some people who are not "just" friends. You can even not meet them that often, or have fun with them, but there is a strange connection you feel with them - as though somehow they kept a piece of you inside of them. These friends never drift apart. This connection is what makes them not see each other,for say, four years and then they just continue where they left off. The recognition of this connection is what it takes. 

The key to lifetime friendships is mutual, raw acceptance, the Heartful connection that brings you together, no matter what. 

I wish I could help my mom connect with her friends the way Prabha did in the movie! Sigh! 

Until then, let's try to keep the connection active, my true friends! I am just a click away 😊. 

Silence is Golden. Always?

They say "Silence is Golden, while Speech is Silver".  I agree. 

Silence is probably the best thing to practice when you want to connect with your inner self. It is the best thing to practice when an argument is going nowhere. It is also the best policy when we don't want to soak in other's negativity. When we are silent and introspect on our evolution, it surely helps us in becoming a better self. It has a medicinal quality that brings out the best in us. When in deep silence you ask your heart, "Am I going in the right path? ", it responds and shows you the direction ahead - That's the magic of the golden silence. 

But then, it is not always golden. We must understand this. When we use it to withhold an emotion or an expression, it becomes toxic and dangerous. 

Recently watched this movie Thappad. It is a thought provoking movie without a doubt and I loved the screenplay and the way the story line was projected and Tapsee's acting as a submissive wife with too many emotions. But, I was not convinced with the solution that the story provides. Does the divorce give her the happiness that she wanted??  The couple lost the happiness forever. Agreed, the husband was obnoxiously self centered. But did she  open up to tell her feelings? After all, she loved him. But she was expecting him to know what she is feeling all by himself. Not just her, but her mother-in-law remains silent. She never speaks to his son and tells him that he should apologize to his wife. Nobody in the family (even her father) opens up about the issue and brainstorm to resolve it. Everyone remains silent, causing the death of a relationship.

Here is where, I feel that Silence is not Golden. Passive aggressive people hurt so much. Sometimes, it is not the confrontation or argument that hurts as much as silence hurts. It eats up like a termite and drains all your energies. Below are the few situations when silence becomes toxic:

When somebody needs your support  - The scene in Thappad, when Taapsee doesnt sleep the whole night -- Mother-in-law knowing it very well that she is hurt and needs emotional support, remains silent and asks her if her son slept well in the night. 

Remember the first day in your office? If you have good memories about that day, it is because there was someone who was not silent. And, if you have bitter memories, it is because perhaps everyone around you was silent or busy in his/her own work.

When you need to take a stand -  If you know for sure that someone has been wronged, you should not be pretending as if you didn't notice. If someone is bullying you, you cannot remain silent. Tapsee's brother's fiance does that beautifully -  Taking a stand and supporting her even if that seems like costing the relationship with her fiance.

After a Clash or war of words- When you choose to not break silence long after the episode, it is as if you are holding a grudge. It creates irreparable knots in the heart that can turn out into some ailment. Not responding to an apology message doesn't unburden you. Forgiving and forgetting alone liberates you. 

Can you think of other situations when it is not golden?? Drop in your comments!

So dear friends... Silence works and is Golden only if it is practiced for self evolution.

If you think that you can take revenge by remaining silent, please remember that it is gonna hurt you as much too. It is a two-sided knife which only gives pain. If you think that by being silent,  you are just being submissive to save the relationship, that too is building up a volcano of knots inside you if you are not truly forgiving and forgetting.

Practice Speech - Good speech. Try to remain calm but not silent (easier said than done, though) . Sometimes speech may go aggressive way, try and control it, But if damage is already done, Apologize. Forgive if someone apologizes. Simple! 

Stay peaceful! Stay Blessed!

This too, shall pass!!

The current situation - covid-19 outbreak and lockdown in India reminds me of a story... The story of a pregnant deer, which I received as a forward message long time back. But the moral of this story is so relevant today, that I felt the urge to share it. 

In a remote forest, a pregnant deer was about to give birth to a baby. It finds a remote grass field nearby a river and slowly goes there thinking it would be safe.
As she moves slowly, she gets labor pain. At the same moment, dark clouds gather around that area and lightning starts a forest fire.
Turning left she sees a hunter who is aiming an arrow from a distance. As she tries to move towards right, she spots a hungry lion approaching towards her.....

What can the pregnant deer do .as she was already under labor pain ?

What do you think will happen?
Will the deer survive?
Will it give birth to a fawn?
Will the fawn survive? OR
Will everything be burnt by the forest fire?
That particular moment?

Can the deer go left? Hunter’s arrow is pointing!
Can she go right? Hungry male lion approaching!
Can she move up? Forest fire!
Can she move down? Fierce River!
Answer: She does nothing. She just focuses on giving birth to a new LIFE!
The sequence of events that happens at that fraction of a second (moment) are as follows:

In a spur of MOMENT & a lightning strikes (already it is cloudy ) and blinds the eyes of the Hunter. At that MOMENT, he releases the arrow missing and zipping past the deer. At that MOMENT the arrow hits and injures the lion badly. At that MOMENT, it starts to rain heavily and puts out the forest fire. At that next MOMENT, the deer gives birth to a healthy fawn.

Sometimes, when the storm is not in your control, and going against the tides doesn't seem possible, the best thing you can do is to calm down. Be there wherever you are in a calm mode and prioritize things. Do whatever you can in your limits. In this case, staying home and staying safe is the priority. 

The world is going through a very difficult phase. Did we ever imagine 190+ countries dealing with the same problem at the same time? It's a war like situation, entire humankind at one end, virus on the other end. But we need to continue to have that little faith in the divine intervention. We need to practice feeling grateful for what we have and pray for the universe. Pray for the daily wage workers, who are suffering the most because of this lockdown situation. Donate if you can. Paid leave for the house help is the least one can do. We need to be like the deer in the story - prioritizing life of ourselves and the people around us over other things. Nature is teaching us something new. Let's learn. Let's love each other. Let's pray together. 

This storm shall pass too. Believe, that this shall pass too.